Monday, January 26, 2009

Just Call Me Sally Kennedy Onassis

It's Monday and I am thrilled to be back to work...just kidding.

So, here is a rundown of the highlights of my weekend:

On Saturday, I took my Mother, Alda, out for lunch. Remember how a couple of weeks ago she insinuated that my hair was too long (and therefore looked like crap)? Well, I had my hair cut (3 inches off) and colored last Thursday. So, when I picked her up at 12:00 SHARP, I was all freshly coiffed. Plus, I was also wearing high heels, makeup, and dressy clothes because everyday with Mama is a fashion show and I didn't want to get kicked off the fashion runway by an old lady. God help me if she knew that I ever referred to her as an old lady.

So, as the old lady gets into the car (I swear both of her ass cheeks were not even on the seat yet), she looks at me and says, "You cut your hair. It looks better. You have a style now."

Thank you very much. For weeks, I have been walking around without a style and NONE of you told me? Nice. It's a good thing that I have Alda to keep my appearance in check.

Memorable moment number two also happened to me on Saturday but thankfully (and unusually), this scenario did not involve my Mother.

After ditching the old lady (whoo hoo), hubby and I had dinner and then ventured to the liquor store to buy a nice bottle of wine for our friend, Lou (having dinner with him and his lovely wife tomorrow after work). We walked all over the liquor store examining our options and finally settled on a lovely Cabernet from California. As we made our way to the register, I noticed a sign on the counter that said:

Have your license ready.
Anyone who looks under the
age of 40 will be carded.

So, now I'm thinking, "I am 39 and 6 months. I must look exceptionally good today because the old lady said I have a style. Surely, I will be carded." Yeah, right. Get back to reality, Sally Kennedy Onassis....NOT happening.

Now, the cashier rings up the bottle of wine, hubby pays her, and you know what comes next, right? Yep, I just had to....I said, "Um, what's with this sign? Do I look like I'm over 40 to you?" Just as I was seriously thinking about beating her ass with a Slim Jim, or a bag of beef jerky, or a salty stuffed pepper (my God, they have wretched food at liquor stores, don't they?), she said, "Oh, I don't really follow that rule. I only card people if they look under 30." Nice save, cashier girl.

Little did she know that she just saved herself from getting a Slim Jim smackdown.

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