Thursday, February 12, 2009

Exactly What I Think....

A Letter To My Neighbors:

Dear Pigs,

I don't care how educated you are, you are both clearly lacking social skills. It wouldn't kill you to raise your hands and wave to your neighbors as you pass them by, would it lunkheads? Oh, and FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, how about containing your garbage...You in TRASH BAGS? We moved to a neighborhood with restrictions on purpose and we don't particularly enjoy picking up your shit. Does this look like a trailer park to you two morons? FYI, if you ever need to borrow a cup of sugar, you're screwed. I will, however, do my part for humanity by praying to God that he may heal you both of your incomplete personalities. Your welcome.

A Letter To The Ass That Ran Out In Front of My Car:

Dear "Mr. I Look Like A Lawyer But Am Really Just A Well Dressed Asshole,"

You ran out in front of my car AT NIGHT on a really busy street, in Providence, during rush hour.....and you were wearing ALL BLACK. OK...REALLY?? Do you have a death wish, jackass? Then you had the audacity to yell at me! Let me tell you something, buddy. In America, there are these thick parallel white lines painted in the streets. They're called CROSSWALKS. You might want to learn how to use them........lest you become the world's best dressed fashion roadkill. Oh, and perhaps a trip to a shrink might serve you well. You clearly have anger management issues......Your wife must be so proud.

A Letter To The Jerk of The Day:

Dear Salesman Who Hounded Me For A Donation At Work Today,

Don't give me that line of bullshit about how your organization helped to lower property taxes in the state of Rhode Island.......Because you know what, chump? Mine went up $680.00 this year. Nice lying sack of pug poop.

AAHHH....I feel better now......


Anonymous said...

Woman are wonderful...but a SMART woman is fabulous! Keep up the great work here...LOVE it!

Sally said...

Oh, I wish I knew who you were. I would TOTALLY send you some cash! Thanks for reading!!