Yesterday, as we were driving to lunch, my Mother informed me that the world was going to hell.
I had no choice but to take the bait. I said, "Why, Ma? Why is the world going to hell?" "Because!" she said. "Because anything goes these days. Do you know that a new store opened up in the north end called Ha Spa? It's terrible! It's a store for tramps! Floozies! Women from Pier 14 (many years ago this used to be a place in town where the "working girls" used to do business)."
"How do you know that?" I asked. "Because, I saw the commercial for Ha Spa on the television! They sell clothes that barely cover the girls' boobies! And the skirts are TOOO short! And the shoes are too high!"
Well, alrighty then. According to the old lady, there's a new store in town which sells women's clothing in the form of band-aids, dental floss, and spiked heels.
Now I began to ponder...Ha Spa? What the hell is with the name, Ha Spa?
So, I questioned her again, "Ma, what is the name of the store, again?" Even more enraged, she yelled, "HA SPA!"
Now remember, my mama speaks mostly Portuguese. So, when she spews broken English, sometimes I need a few minutes to process what she's trying to say. Hmmm...I thought....Well, she's pretty ruffled over this "ha spa" thing. Let me ponder this for a moment. AND THEN IT CAME TO ME.
"Ma, Do you mean HOT SPOT?" "YESSSS, " she said, "HAAA SPAAA!" Then she turned to me and said, "What does that even mean? What is a HA SPA?"
Now, like in the world of art, the English language (and the term "Hot Spot".....duh) can be interpreted in many different ways. And there was no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that I was going THERE with my 77 year old Mother....NO FLIPPIN WAY. So, I looked at her and in my most convincing voice said, "It's a hot place...like Florida."
Then, I quickly changed the subject and told her that I liked her sweater...and where did she get it...and her hair looked nice... and what kind of perfume was she wearing.... and blah, blah, blah.....
Thank goodness she fell for my "bait and switch" conversation and THAT was the end of the dreaded boobie talk....for that day.....But, not forever, I'm sure.