Sunday, March 1, 2009

Sophia Petrillo Strikes Again

Addendum To This Weekend's Highlights (*SEE PREVIOUS POST):

The Day: Saturday

The Scene: A really scary convenience store in a wretched part of town

The Deal:

Mama decides she wants to play the lottery in this scary store because we have never played there and she thinks it will bring us luck. I park near the door so we can make a quick getaway after her purchase because, well, it's a FREAKIN SCARY neighborhood and we are all gussied up because we are on our way to church and we look totally out of place among the junkies and the derelicts.

I am forced to go into the store with her because I am afraid that someone is going to kidnap Her Royal Senior Citizeness and hold her for ransom and thus, ruin the remainder of my weekend.

So, we go in and she sidles up to the counter to play her "quick pick." Then, she buys a couple of scratch tickets and just as we start to leave, a drunk dude who's sitting in the corner playing Keno and drinking a large miscellaneous beverage out of a paper bag, looks up and says (well, actually he slurs) to the cashier, "Man, Joe...You're soooo lucky. You get to talk to all the beautiful ladies."

Now, you've heard stories about my Mama before so I'm sure you can imagine what happened next.

Uh huh..... There I am, praying to God that we make it back into the car and away from Hoodlum Center unscathed, and my Mama stops in her tracks, looks at the drunkard/derelict/probable ax-murderer and says in her best broken English, "BEAUTIFUL LADIES? BEAUTIFUL LADIES? BEAUTIFUL LADIES NO WANNA STUPID DRUNK MANS LIKE YOU!"

Yeah. I'm totally serious.

So, then I grab her arm, pull her out the door, and shove her feisty little butt into the car.....all the while smiling at Mr. Drunky McDrunkelstein, and praying to Jesus that he doesn't decide to beat our asses with a giant Slurpy.

It's SOOO not easy being me.

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