Monday, May 4, 2009

I Think It's The Big One, Elizabeth!

Hello y'all. So sorry that I have been MIA for a week. But, things have been C-R-A-Z-Y busy.

I thought I'd get back into the blogging game by sharing something that annoyed me last week (I was annoyed...that's something new).

You probably all know that I am a cardiac patient. Sometimes, my heart does back flips and cartwheels in my chest and I have to be medicated to get it back under control. Well, my doctor recommended that I attend a cardiac health seminar last week. It took place last Wednesday night at a local restaurant/banquet facility. Hubby and I went together and thought it was actually pretty cool and very informative.

While there, we had our blood pressure, cholesterol, and BMI's checked. We spoke to dietitians about healthy eating. We listened to four doctors speak about four different aspects of heart health. And, we got lots of pamphlets, recipes, and helpful handouts:

Then, they (meaning the whole LOT of those hypocritical heart hacks) PISSED ME OFF.

After their shpeels, they directed the seminar attendees to "help themselves" to the snack table where they served these:

Um, is it me, or are you seeing the grease stains on the cookie platter???

HELLO, doctors?? Are you dudes trying to drum up some business by clogging up my damn arteries? I MEAN, REALLY!!! WHERE THE FRIG ARE THE CARROT STICKS?? HOW ABOUT A FRUIT PLATTER????

Oh, hell! Why not just serve me up a plate of bacon with a side of pork rinds??

Jeez. I don't know about you. But, I am convinced.

The devil is not a woman in a red dress.

The devil is probably a cardiologist....with a frequent buyer card from Omaha Steaks.

1 comment:

H.K. said...

That's like having alcohol for refreshments at a AA meeting!

The cardiologist put those greasy buttery cookies out there on is slow and he needed someone to operate on.