Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Luck Be A Lady With Teeth

Sunday night, Paul (the hubby) and I met some family members in Connecticut at a casino (not going to promote it). Paul hadn't been there since 2004. I hadn't been there since seeing a Rick Springfield concert about three years ago.

Yes, I know I am an 80's dork for loving Rick Springfield. However, the American public put George Bush in the White House for two terms. So, by comparison, I clearly have nothing to be ashamed of. But, I digress.

The point I'm trying to make here is, we are not gamblers.

I, for one, was enticed to the casino by the promise of dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen. Apparently, I am not just a food whore. But, I'm a cheap food whore.

Any who, while I was there wandering aimlessly through the crowds of INTERESTING people, I decided to throw caution to the wind and put twenty bucks into a slot machine. Yeah, that's right, people. I am a wild woman...and I put a whole twenty bucks into a 2 cent (that's 2 pennies) slot machine.

As I was analyzing the game's directions , I realized that I may have chosen a BAD location in which to park my ass. I was clearly in the middle (literally) of a very hostile environment.

Turns out, Beulah (the lesbian on my right) was quite pissed off because she and her woman, Mack Truck Mary, had lost all of their money. So, they were yelling and swearing and flipping off the casino cameras. Lovely.

Their presence made me very uneasy because (A) I knew if I looked at them the "wrong" way (it happens), they might snap me in half like a twig and (B) I had teeth...and clean clothes. They could clearly mistake me for a huge overachiever and follow me into the bathroom where they would steal my money and beat me over the head with my very own Prada bag.

As if Beulah and Mack Truck Mary weren't scary enough, the really smelly guy sitting to my left was making me jumpy because he kept punching his slot machine and yelling, "YOU DOUCHEBAG!"

I really wanted to intervene, here. I wanted to say, "Dude! Knock that shit off! You are dumping your cash into a computerized machine that is programmed to take your money! And now you can't pay your rent or buy soap, which you SOOOOO desperately need! Who's the real DOUCHEBAG here?"

But, I remained silent....mostly because I really like my teeth right where they are. Thank.You.Very.Much.

Gambling. Not my thing.

Call me crazy. But, I'd rather spend my money on really good shoes...and dentist appointments....and soap....

1 comment:

H.K. said...

At least you didn't have anyone yelling at you how to play the slot machines! Yes, it happened to me...the woman didn't appreciate my expert advice.