Friday, July 24, 2009


My husband is a chick magnet.

Um, let me reiterate that.

My husband is a geriatric chick magnet. Seriously. I don't know what it is about him. But, the old ladies LOVE him. Recently, we went to a fundraiser with some friends and he ended up sitting across from me at a very long table, smack dab between two of the Golden Girls. And let me just say that they were all over him like Barack Obama on a stimulus package.

At one point, I had to pee. So, I went to the ladies room, did my duty, reapplied my lipstick and made my way back to Geritol central. I swear. I wasn't gone for more than ten minutes.

When I got back to my seat, Rose Nylund (to his right) was hugging his arm and Dorothy Zbornak (to his left) was holding his hand. AND, get this! They were fighting over who would get him if I was dead! For real, people. For freakin real.

So, I said, "Um, hello ladies?! I'm right here! I'm still alive and kicking!" Dorothy Zbornak replied, "Oh, we know, honey! But he is just such a nice boy (yeah...that would be a 45 year old middle aged boy, but whatever). And we just LOVE his pink skin and blue eyes!"

And the whole time? The hubby stared at me pleadingly. It was hilarious....especially when he looked into my eyes and mouthed the words, Get them off of me. I thought I was going to bust a gut.

Another funny incident occurred at a wedding we went to a few weeks ago. There was a woman present, of the senior citizen variety, who was very smitten with Hubs. When I went to get a drink at the bar, she stopped me and said, "Your husband seems nice...and he's very handsome." I replied (smile on my face), "Yes. He is nice. Thank you."

A little while later, I ran into her in the bathroom. Again she said to me, "I like your husband. He's cute." Again, I smiled and replied, "Yes, he is. Thank you."

About two hours later, as we were walking out of the wedding reception, she waited for us at the exit door. As we approached, she said, "You're leaving already? You should STAAAAAAY LONGER (batting her eyelids at the hubby)!" "We would love to. But, we can't. We have another engagement to attend. But, it was very nice to see you," the hubby replied.

To this, Grandma Big Balls leaned in and stated (and I quote), "YOU KNOW...IF I WAS YOUNGER AND YOU WEREN'T WITH HER (scowling in my direction), YOU'D BE ALL MINE!"

The hubby, totally creeped out by Horny Hortense, smiled politely, grabbed my arm, and practically dragged me out the door. When we got in the car, he sat back, sighed and said, *wait for it*
"Holy shit! That old lady needs an ice pack in her shorts!"

And I laughed my ass off.

Ah.....Sex appeal. Ain't it a bitch?


Deb said...

Poor Paul! you'd better keep him out of the supermarkets on Tuesdays! All the old ladies are there for their 10 percent discount. Actually, he should probably just stay home on Tuesdays!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I might have had somebody taste my food after that episode.

Keep that boy away from Denny's at the 4 p.m. senior dinner rush.

Hanlie said...

Too funny!

H.K. said...

It seems that old lady needs something else besides an ice pack to cool her off! (LOL!)

She-Fit said...

WOW! this is too funny! Maybe you need to find that little old lady a guy

Rapunzel said...

LMAO! What a hoot!

BippyMama said...

I thought I saw a FB fan club called "Geriatric Geezer Ladies who love Paul Costa"; is it the same person? ;-)

Sally said...


You would be CORRECT! There's only one Paul Costa. Unless you are in Fall River, then there are loads of them ;)

*Bitch Cakes* said...

um... WOW! Do those old ladies have the female viagra equivalent? They are randy!