Friday, July 31, 2009

Go Shorty...It's Your Birthday

Happy Friday Peeps! I'd like you to know that I am officially over my birthday meltdown. And from now on, you can look forward to blog posts from a kinder and gentler Sally. HA! Just kidding! No worries, people. I am still me...just one year older and perhaps just a tad bit more vulgar. I'm sure you can take it. Anyway, I wanted to turn my birthday festivities into a learning experience for y'all. Because, well...I think you can learn something here. So here goes, dudes. I present to you: The Ultimate Birthday Pictorial...Live and Learn, People

When buying the birthday girl a cake, never reference her age in frosting. But always address her as royalty: Unless you want an ass whipping, never buy these gifts for the people you love...

Bad Gift #1: a customized gift basket filled with rotten, moldy (Mmmm...furry srtawberries! Yum!), fruit fly infested, already been bitten, rancid fruit... THANKS LOU. Bad Gift #2: This stupid sign! Also doubles as a skull cracker...THANKS LOU. Bad Gift #3: Pre-scratched loser scratch tickets...THANKS LOU...Anybody else seeing the BAD GIFT pattern here?

Now, aside from the above nastiness (THANKS LOU), I would also like to acknowledge the BEST of the great birthday presents that I received. Take a lesson, dudes.

Great Gift #1: CASH!! WHOO HOO!! One size fits all, people!! Thank you to all of the people who contributed to my stash! I see some MAD shopping in my future ;) Great Gift #2: Bond No. 9 Perfume...Thank you Hubs! If you've never smelt it, you must! It is heaven in a bottle... Great Gift #3: Gift certificates...especially this one specifically for my favorite cannolis (THANKS STEVE)....I know, I know. BAD for the butt cheeks...BUT, OH SO GOOD FOR THE SOUL!
And finally, THE BEST ULTIMATE BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER: My great niece, Avery! Who was born on my birthday!! Whoo hoo!! Her parents don't know it, yet. But they will be hosting my birthday parties at their house from now on!

I'd like to conclude my post with a shout out to my Mama who gave me the funniest birthday card of the year:

And finally, this post would not be complete without the "outing" of my stinkin whore sisters...You know...the ones who put my Lordy Lordy, Look whose 40 picture ON THE OBIT PAGE OF THE PAPER ON MY BIRTHDAY! Here they are, people! Privacy be damned, BITCHES!

From Left to Right: Evil Sister Natty, Evil Sister Aida, Evil Sister Gee, Evil Sister Jenny, my Mama (How did she birth so many evil women?), and ME...the good one.

Thank you to all of my bloggy friends for being loyal readers and to all who sent me birthday greetings, cards, gifts, and prayers...You guys rock! SERIOUSLY.


Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

A birthday great niece? Now that takes some serious planning...

Happy (belated) bday, btw.

Sally said...

Thanks Jack Sh*T!!

Chellie has Issues said...

:) I hope turning 40 wasn't too tramatic for you! I hope you had a great birthday!

Rapunzel said...

Aw, another Leo female, whoo-hoo! She is as adorable as her auntie! xoxox

Watching and Weighting said...

Sorry I'm late with this = moving house is palying merry hell with my blog reading!

Happy 40th Birthday Sally! may this next year of life for you be full of joy, love, laughter, excitement, adventure, those cannoli thingies you love so much.......and one HELL of a revenge prank on Lou!

Love Liz x