Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Sausage Logs: Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

I went to Weight Watchers this morning. I've gained three pounds since the last time I was there, two months ago. Crap.

But on a positive note, I've also gained some motivation, some new recipes, and some much needed camaraderie. I don't care what anyone says. It's is much easier to conform to a healthy lifestyle when you know that you are not "going it alone." So, if you are one of those naturally skinny bitches who eats whatever falls off the ice cream truck and still looks like a beanpole, move the frig on. I can't be your friend right now. Sorry.

Anyway, it's a freakin good thing that I hopped back on the Weight Watchers' wagon this morning. Because, when I got home from work today, I opened the Day 7 present from the birthday basket that my friends, Lou and Linda, gave me. And look at what birthday surprise awaited:

Uh-huh. A big nasty stick of compressed, congealed pork parts.
*blech...that's me barfing*

Now, because I am a Weight Watcher (yes, I am) and my meat log (God, I never thought I'd utter those words) probably contains 10,724 points and 7,579 grams of saturated fat per serving, I would NEVER even attempt to taste it. Well, that plus I want to throw up every time I see meat logs, hot dogs, sausages, etc...I don't know. Is it me? Or, is there something very wrong with compounding processed meat into the shape of a phallic symbol? Gross.

Anywho, please know that while I won't be eating this utterly disgusting sausage stick, I think I TOTALLY found a great use for it.

You see, when hubby and I got home from work this evening, this was waiting for us in the driveway:

No. You are not seeing things. And yes, it is a large steaming pile of dog poo.

FYI, I do not own any dogs.

My douchebag neighbor, who is the douche-iest douchebag EVER, does. Oh, did I mention that he is a cardholder of The Douchebag Society? Actually, he's not only a member. He's also their president. But, I digress.

Anyhow, said neighbor (the D.B) is an asswipe who completely lacks social skills. And he obviously thinks that the Leash Law doesn't apply to his stupid ass. So, I was thinking that I could utilize my Birthday Sausage Stick to beat the crap out of him (pun intended) as I force him to clean the ca-ca from my front yard.

Thank you very much for the weapon, Lou and Linda.

Oh, and I was wondering...Does whacking my douchebag neighbor around with a sausage stick gain me any Weight Watchers' activity points??


Hanlie said...

That just makes me mad! And if you confront him he'll say that it wasn't his dog... There's no way you can prove that it was!

Good luck with WW! And yes, the sausage is sickening.

Sal said...

GROSS!!!!!!!! That post made me laugh ... alot, loved renouncing the friendship of skinny bitches that can eat whatever they want.

Forget about beating the DB over the head - you should cut the end off the sausage meat and squeeze the meat out of it onto his doorstep - making sure you get it to look like a pile from one of his little mosters. Get your own back that way!!

starfish264 said...

Having waded through the sea of innuendo in that post (I'm sorry, my brain is just permanently in the gutter - it's really not my fault - "whacking my neighbour with my sausage stick"? Really?), I say yes to activity points.

Either that or wait til the dead of night and go poo in his driveway and see how he likes it! Or make like a monkey and throw the dog crap at his house. Whichever makes you happier really - afterall, it is YOUR birthday month, and we all know that birthday girls get to do whatever the hell they like! :o)

Watching and Weighting said...

definite ww activity points granted! GO FOR IT!!!!

FYI I am not one of the ice cream truck girls and also a ww-er so feel free to whine/wahoop your way with me to weight LOSS!!!

'my meat stick' made me throw up a little in my mouth......

Rapunzel said...

I am sure beating deserving neighbor will work off at least a POINT or two! I say go for it!

BTW, a lovely package greeted me when I arrived home yesterday, and it wasn't a pile of poop either. ;) Thank you, my friend, for my Rabbit! He is adorable and ever-so-useful as well!!! xoxoxoxo

Sally said...

Oh, ladies...Thank you so much for the encouragement! You are awesome!!

Paula L Ostman said...

Sally, I've only gotten through the 2nd portion of the big SAUSAGE blog, and I'm just about peeing my pants; I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying; mother of gawd, woman, you have not changed.... keep on, keepin' on!!!! woohoo!!!!!

Sally said...

Thank you for reading and welcome to my world ;)