Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Who Done It?

Today is the last day that I will be in my thirties. Out of respect for my fledgling youth, please indulge me by partaking in a brief moment of silence.

*1
*2
*3
*4
*5

Thank you.

OK. Now, let's get down to the business at hand. I need your help, people. You see, I'm trying to solve a mystery and I'm looking for your input. On Friday, when I went to my mailbox, I found this rude card waiting for me:

Front:


Inside:



As you can see, it was sent to me anonymously because I'm assuming that the sender is a coward who knows that I am less than thrilled about turning forty and doesn't want me to bust his face because he has been taunting me for a MONTH. Anywho, of course I have been trying to get the culprit to FESS UP. But, thus far all I've gotten from him are some lame ass denials and some finger pointing at innocent people. So, I will leave matters to you, my fine friends. Tell me, do you think, like I do, that the man in these photos (LOU) is capable of such an act? Observe and decide for yourselves:

The Alleged Culprit...showing his fruity side


The Alleged Culprit...showing his pervy side (Please forgive me for subjecting you to this abomination, my friends...But, I am only trying to prove my case against this crazy, crazy man.)


The Alleged Culprit...showing his macho side (Jesus, please help us to digest this image and not be scarred for life.)


The Alleged Culprit...trying out for American Idol


The Alleged Culprit...Um. Smelling his own butt gas?! Clearly he has issues. No?


The Alleged Culprit...totally hammered on the public streets of Boston


Now tell me, you fine people of the blogosphere! Is this man GUILTY or NOT GUILTY of sending me this vulgar, ass laden card?

And remember! If the diaper fits (*blech* see above), YOU CAN'T ACQUIT!!!

23 comments:

Rapunzel said...

....coffee spewing through nose...

Oh, yeah, he is *totally* guilty!

Sally said...

Thank you, Michelle. That's makes the score:

Sally :1
Lou: 0

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

He's guilty of something, that's for damned sure.

Sally said...

Yes, Jack. He most certainly is.

Sally: 2
Lou: 0

Kimberley said...

Guilty. No question about it.

Jen said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SALLY....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE NEED TO GET TOGETHER TO CELEBRATE! IF PAUL HAS SOMETHING PLANNED I HOPE I AM INVITED!!!!!!!

Sally said...

Kimberly,
You are a wise woman. Thank you for taking the side of justice ;)

Sally: 3
Lou: 0

Sally said...

Jen,
I am still in denial. As far as I know, things will remain very low key around here...Or else! But, I would LOVE to get together with you!

Amanda said...

As one who will join the ranks of the thirty-less in less than a year (or so they tell me), I must say that this "Lou" individual is obviously guilty as charged.

Hanlie said...

His guilt is evident! Lol!

Sally said...

Thank you Amanda!

Sally: 4
Lou: 0

Sally said...

Hanlie, thank you for your support!

Sally: 5
Lou: 0

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Against her better judgement, the blog moderator has decided to allow this comment. When reading it, please keep in mind that evil people are convincing liars:


Everyone out there, please don't let Sally poison your minds. She has altered all of the pictures of me just to ruin the reputation that I have in the community. I own a business and I am very well respected in town and I would never pose for any of these photos! When you, the jurors, are considering to vote guilty or not guilty, please remember that she is turning 40 tomorrow and is so bitter at the world that she is taking it out on me! Please do not let this little (Did I say little?) lady taint your opinions. Returning a guilty verdict would be a travesty because I am innocent!!!!

Lou

July 28, 2009 4:01 PM

LAF said...

Where was Lou when I was in need of skin models to practice my waxing techniques? Can you say, "Screaming Peach"?!
Guilty.

furkids said...

OH Lou.... I so totally agree with you, and we who know her know she is capable. After all, she just posted some pictures of me on her blog and clearly photoshoped them because I have always looked exactly like Raquel Welch, honest. ask Paul.

*Bitch Cakes* said...

Enjoy your last day in your 30's. I thought about you today and considered telling you that, but then thought it better not to, but since I'm here, I may as well :)

Now for the question at hand: I can't say beyond a reasonable doubt that Lou is guilty of leaving the card, but by the looks of him and his antics, he's guilty of SOMETHING. The man has depravity written all over him!

Sally said...

Sheryl,
Thank you for thinking of me. It is 11:45 pm and I am in mourning....waiting for the clock to strike tomorrow. It's so nice to have SOMEONE who relates to my inability to accept this birthday milestone :(

Sally: 7
Lou: 1

I WIN, SUCKA!!!!

Anonymous said...

You haven't won yet!!!! Tomorrow is your birthday.

happyfunpants said...

Since today is the 29th, HAPPY BIRTHDAY :) :) :)

Sally said...

Thank you Anne!!!!!

Heather said...

You just leave my Lou alone! He would never do such a thing. I was a witness to the beautiful fruit basket he presented you with on your birthday. How could such a loving and generous man be guilty of ANYTHING?

Watching and Weighting said...

I feel violated. And I fear my aforementioned love for Lou may have abated somewhat. Until I see the 'hammered on the streets of Boston' and THEN I think - 'no way, we'd get on like a house on fire'! HAHAHA..And THEN I read through all the comments, spat peppermint tea all over my PC and thought 'LOU! Bloody hilarious but guilty as charged!'

Happy Birthday lovely Sally xxxxx