Today is the last day that I will be in my thirties. Out of respect for my fledgling youth, please indulge me by partaking in a brief moment of silence.
OK. Now, let's get down to the business at hand. I need your help, people. You see, I'm trying to solve a mystery and I'm looking for your input. On Friday, when I went to my mailbox, I found this rude card waiting for me:
As you can see, it was sent to me anonymously because I'm assuming that the sender is a coward who knows that I am less than thrilled about turning forty and doesn't want me to bust his face because he has been taunting me for a MONTH. Anywho, of course I have been trying to get the culprit to FESS UP. But, thus far all I've gotten from him are some lame ass denials and some finger pointing at innocent people. So, I will leave matters to you, my fine friends. Tell me, do you think, like I do, that the man in these photos (LOU) is capable of such an act? Observe and decide for yourselves:
The Alleged Culprit...showing his fruity side
The Alleged Culprit...showing his pervy side (Please forgive me for subjecting you to this abomination, my friends...But, I am only trying to prove my case against this crazy, crazy man.)
The Alleged Culprit...showing his macho side (Jesus, please help us to digest this image and not be scarred for life.)
The Alleged Culprit...trying out for American Idol
The Alleged Culprit...Um. Smelling his own butt gas?! Clearly he has issues. No?
The Alleged Culprit...totally hammered on the public streets of Boston
Now tell me, you fine people of the blogosphere! Is this man GUILTY or NOT GUILTY of sending me this vulgar, ass laden card?
And remember! If the diaper fits (*blech* see above), YOU CAN'T ACQUIT!!!