Thursday, August 27, 2009

F-Bombs X 2

Vegas Extravaganza....Take 4

All last week, while we were in Vegas, my friend Linda (Crazy Lou's wife) kept telling me that she wanted to cross something off of her "Bucket List." She wanted to ride the Big Shot which is on top of the Stratosphere Tower. She told me that she needed some moral support and could only do it with my help. Translation: She wanted me to ride it with her because nothing says FRIENDSHIP like crapping your pants together.

We talked about riding the Big Shot all week and actually got Lou and the Hubby to agree that they would do it with us. But on the morning that we were actually supposed to follow through with riding the awesome-est thrill ride in Vegas, Lou called. He told me that Linda had a backache and riding the awesome-est thrill ride in Vegas wasn't going to happen. "Whatever," I said. "It's no big deal, Lou. Paul and I have already experienced the ride once before. We're going to head out and walk down Las Vegas Boulevard...and check out some of the older casinos. We'll meet up later!"

And I swear I heard that little bastard let out a sigh of relief.
Fast forward to 1:00PM....

I was playing a penny slot machine at Circus Circus (BTW, it smells like horse in there....Yuck) when my cell phone rang. Linda wanted to know where we were and asked if we wanted her and Lou to come and pick us up so that we could all hang out together by the Wynn pool. Not having much luck at the slots, and tired of breathing in the horse poop smell, I said, "Ooooh! Yes! Come and get us!"

Within minutes, Linda and Lou pulled up and off we went.

While we were driving away from the horse poop casino, Linda turned to me and the following conversation ensued:

Linda: I am so sad about my Bucket List! Lou said you didn't really want to go on the Big Shot ride....

Me: Wha? Wha? WHAT?

Linda: Lou said he called you both this morning and you really didn't feel up to riding the Big Shot.

Me: LOUIS! You big, fat liar! You told me that Linda wasn't feeling up to riding the Big Shot because she had a backache!

Linda: Louie! Is that true? Did you blame me when you knew that riding the Big Shot was on my Bucket List?

Lou: (slinking in his seat because he knew that we found out that he is a liar, liar, pants on fire and was apparently too chicken to ride the awesome-est thrill ride in Vegas but didn't want to look like a big cissy and therefore blamed the whole thrill ride cancellation on his poor innocent wife who was completely oblivious to the fact that she was carrying his balls in her purse)

Linda: That's it! We're going right now!

Me: (from the backseat) Whoo hoo!

Fast forward to the top of the Stratosphere tower...

Linda and I were walking through the Stratosphere Casino on our way to the Big Shot, when we decided to stop for a pee. Because, even though we were WAY braver than Lou, that damn ride was freakin S-C-A-R-Y and we didn't want to walk around for the rest of the day with a puddle of urine in our shorts.

When we came out of the ladies' room, we couldn't find Lou. Turns out my Hubby, who was also a tad bit nervous about the Big Shot, but was trying to be a brave little buckaroo for Lou, found Lou hiding in a corner near a vending machine (Oh please, like we wouldn't hunt his ass down and drag him up there by his hair...OH, WAIT! He has no hair. Never mind!)

Wimpy, Wimpy, Wimpy....

After FINALLY dragging Sir Wimps Alot to the absolute top of the Stratosphere Tower, this is what we saw:

The View From The Top...Absolutely Breathtaking!!

A View Of The Big Shot (See the teeny, tiny, brave people all the way at the top?)

Finally, it was our turn to get on.

Linda and I were nervous.

Hubby was a little more nervous than we were.

And Lou? Well, Lou was pretty much pooping his drawers...Hehehehe (sorry, still laughing).

So, we sat in our seats, got strapped in, and WHOOSH...Without any notice, we were whipped 160 feet in the air (and back down again and back up again and back down again) in a matter of seconds. And here, my friends, was the exact conversation I heard during the awesome-est thrill ride in Vegas:

Hubby: (to my immediate right) F*CK MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Me: (screaming my head off) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Linda: (to my immediate left) OH, SHIT!!! HOW MANY TIMES IS IT GOING TO DO THIS????? (she meant go up and down)

And finally, Mr. Poopy Pants...

Lou: (to my far left) F*CK THISSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

And the final piece de resistance of our jaunt on the AWESOME-EST THRILL RIDE IN LAS VEGAS?? Our group photo:

Looks To Me Like Lou's Having A Bowel Movement, No?

When the ride was over, Hubs and I were so excited with our daring accomplishment! And Linda was exceptionally thrilled that she could cross one more thing off of her Bucket List!

And Lou?

Well, he got off the ride and walked over to where some guys were waiting in line for their turn on the Big Shot and he, for lack of a better description, adjusting his "hairy boys."

When he noticed a gentleman staring at him, Lou looked him in the eye and said, "I'm just trying to put my nuts back where they used to be. Good luck!" And he walked away.

I laughed my ass off. Seriously.

Of course, I suppose I wouldn't have thought it was that funny if I had a "set" of my own.

Ahhhh....Sometimes, it's really nice being a girl.


Anonymous said...

You are truly hysterical!

Anonymous said...

Wow!!!!! All these years I thought Lou was just the coolest guy on the face of the earth. Boy did I have him pegged wrong. By the look on his face he has to be the biggest wimp I have ever seen in my life. The kids in my class have more balls than he does!!!! LOL and we all know what kind of kids I teach! At least Linda, Paul and Sally still have it going on !!!! Teri C.

*Bitch Cakes* said...

Oh my god, that Lou! He's something else! What a thrilling adventure! The photo is fantastic. I never buy those, but this one was worth the investment. It complemented the blog perfectly!

Watching and Weighting said...