Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Hair's Looking At You Kid

I've told you that my husband is always saying to me, "I can't believe these things always happen to you." Right?

Well, prepare yourselves. This one's a doozy.

Yesterday after work, the Hubs and I went out for Chinese food.

Because it's kind of far from where we live, we hadn't been to this restaurant in a REALLY long time.

As soon as we walked in, we sat down in our booth and commenced reading the menus.

I was approximately one third through the food choices, when I busted out laughing and whipped out my camera (much to the hubby's dismay).

The first thing that cracked me up was this:

Did you happen to notice the "low calorie" label on the top left of the menu? Right above the DEEP FRIED CHUNKS OF CHICKEN in the H1 dish? Um, yeah. Me, too. Someone needs to tell Mr. Wong that there is nothing LOW FAT about DEEP FRIED ANYTHING. Nice try, Mr. Wong.

Then, I moved onto the next page of the menu and found these. Please note menu items B13 and C11 por favor:

Now, tell me my friends. Is it me? Or, does referring to food as "strange flavored" make you want to run screaming from said Chinese restaurant?

Seriously, Mr. Wong. Could you not have been a tad bit more CREATIVE?

And just how strange is the flavor? Huh? Am I going to take one bite of the Strange Flavored Chicken, turn to the hubby and say, "Hmmm...What a strange flavor? Kind of tastes a little like Elmer's Glue! (You're wondering how I know what glue tastes like, right? Hey, I was a kid once! Don't judge.)

Anyway, after getting past Mr. Wong's menu of horrors, I chose the chicken and broccoli (hold the strange flavor, please) and a nice tall glass of carbonated water with lemon. And this is when the whole meal went to shit....

Upon receiving my drink, I noticed a big honkin black hair in my glass.

Um. Gross.

OK, shit happens. And being of large Portuguese hair stature myself, I summoned the waitress, explained the situation and she brought me a fresh beverage. I'm not a drama queen (WHAT?) so I let the hairy water incident roll and I moved on....Until, I got my meal.

And you are never going to believe this shit. But halfway through my friggin chicken and broccoli, I found ANOTHER FRICKEN HAIR...IN MY FOOD! What the hell?

Well, by now, I'm all, Oh my freakin word I am seriously going to puke and don't you EVER bring me back to this wretched place and why is everyone here shedding their freaking hair all over my shit and you'd better get me right the hell out of here right now before I beat Mr. freakin Wong upside the head with my HAIRY CHICKEN PLATTER!

For freakin real, people. I have a very weak stomach!

So, the hubby, sensing that I was about to blow chunks, pushed the hairball chicken to the edge of the table and asked for the check. And when the waitress brought the check know...on that little plastic check tray that they use to present you the bill in a fancy-ish manner?

The flippin check had a DAMN HAIR ON IT! WTF???

You know what? I think I've totally determined what that STRANGE FLAVORED CHICKEN AND BEEF tastes like...

Aqua Net, dudes. Friggin Aqua Net....


petunia said...

Nasty! Nothing grosser.
And why I like to eat at home.

Kathy said...

That is so nasty. Ewwww!!! Makes me sick just hearing about it.

happyfunpants said...

I was reading this as I was eating my salad.

Annnnnnnnnd now I'm not.

I think my weight loss strategy might entail me re-reading your post when I'm hungry.

Sally said...

I am very sorry that the thought of someone's dandruff infested follicles in my Chinese food is making y'all want to hurl. Thank you for feeling my pain ;)

Anne, you crack me up. Hair's to you!

Enzy said...

Ooooooooh my dear that is NASTY! I do have to say, however, that you made me chuckle which I appreciate! I can always count on you to brighten my day a tad (sorry it takes it's toll on YOU though!)

-Kerri from Enzymatic Therapy

Hanlie said...

I would have been out of there and I would NOT have paid for the meal! Remind me to never go there...

Chellie has Issues said...

Eeeww eewww and eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I hope they gave it to you free!

Kellie said...

Yuck! Nothing worse than chinese food that tastes like Aqua Net!!

starfish264 said...

That is just plain wrong! I hope you pointed out the full complement of hairs that had arrived with your meal and asked to check who was becoming follically challenged on the staff!!

I feel a bit grossed out now - even finding a bit of metal in restaurant meal once wasn't that bad!

Watching and Weighting said...


Anonymous said...

Anybody for a Fur Ball,Tofu all natural salad!!!! WEIGHT WATCHER CLIENTS SPECIAL!!!!


Anonymous said...

lol. Serves you right. Had you ordered the strange flavored chicken, you probably wouldn't have gotten the hair. Or else Mr. Wong was thinking you were taking pictures in order to steal his menu, so he thought he would give you a little "present".

And you are sure that it was a HEAD hair, right?

Deb said...

Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!
That's what makes the menu low fat I guess, not being able to finish your meal!

Amanda said...

Sooooo many levels of ooky with the hairy chicken.

That said, I ended up having to send a link of this to the almost-husband. Why, when he sits less than 5 feet from me, did I have to do this? Because you made me laugh so hard tears were running down my face and I was whooping instead of talking as I tried to say "Hairy Chicken Platter".

The man is debating the wisdom of marrying me. I'm still giggling.

et said...

My all-time favorite menu item, also at a chinese restaurant, is boneless battered duck. I always picture a poor bruised & bleeding limp bird on a plate.