Wednesday, September 16, 2009

"Boys Have A Penis. Girls Have A Vagina." ---Kindergarten Cop (1990)

The Hubby and I? We're at it again.

Back on the health kick. Eating organic foods whenever possible. Exercising. And drinking our weight in water.

Yesterday, after work, we went for a four mile power walk in the woods. Not a good idea when you've been drinking water like a fish.

I walked, and walked, and walked...before finally initiating this conversation:

Me: Damn. I need to pee...AGAIN.

Hubby: Man. So do I!

Me: You're lucky. You can just go behind a tree.

Hubby: (shrugging) So can you.

Me: No I can't! How am I going to wipe?

Hubby: Um...I know. I'll let you have my sock!

Me: Ewwwwww!!!! That's gross! I don't have to go THAT bad. I think I can hold it (ouch, oooh, eeeh, ow).

Hubby: I'll just wait until I get home.

Me: Are you just holding it out of sympathy for me?

Hubby: Yeah. I'm trying to be supportive.

Me: That's crazy! You should just go behind a tree.

Hubby: I can hold it. I'll just squeeze my quaglia muscles.

Me: Your what?

Hubby: My quaglia muscles.

Me: BAHAHAHAHAHA (uncontrollable laughter) I think you mean kegel muscles? Bahahahahaha...And I think you need a vagina for that!!! Bahahahahahaha...

Hubby: (shaking his head) You're going to blog about this, aren't you?

Me: Duh? YES! Now, Stop making me laugh! I'm going to pee my pants! Bahahahahaha...

Hubby: (pouting) Yeah...like I say this shit on purpose...


*******Addendum to Today's Post*******
When I got home from our walk, the first thing I did was pee. The second thing I did was Google "kegel muscles." Turns out that women AND MEN have these muscles! Dudes, I never knew this! Can you believe it? Yeah, they're called pubococcygeus muscles.

In women, the strengthening of these muscles (by contracting and relaxing them) assists in lessening the symptoms of urinary and bowel incontinence.

In men, it does just about the same thing. Plus, um...it also assists them with SEXUAL WEE WEE stuff.

I'm not going there...

But, if you feel like your significant other needs help with Sexual Wee Wee stuff, I do advise that you encourage him to please seek medical attention because I am in no way qualified to give Wee Wee advice because...well...I don't have one...Plus, I giggle at shit like that because...um...I apparently have the sense of humor of a thirteen year old boy.

Anywho, the point (yes, I do have one) of this addendum is to publicly APOLOGIZE to my Hubby who in fact does possess quaglia kegel muscles even though he has a wee wee and not a vagina.

Sorry, Bub.

10 comments:

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I've been working out my quaglia muscles for nothing? For nothing?

TjRenee said...

Sounds like a convo Hubman and I would have. Funny!

Except I wouldn't apologize. Yeah, I'm a bitch like that. hehehe

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I'm using you and your hubby for future screen play material. ;-) Ya'll are so funny!

Amanda said...

Re: hydration, I keep trying to figure out if I can count it as 60 minutes of sustained aerobic activity when I've hopped off the treadmill no fewer than three times to run to the danged potty.

You'd think the sweating would negate the need to pee. You'd be wrong. So very, very wrong.

Watching and Weighting said...

"sexual wee wee makes me want to be SICK!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Hanlie said...

I knew that! (Purely because my Pilates instructor was a male).

H.K. said...

My husband is working at home today and after I read your post I said to him, "Did you know that you have Kegel muscles just like women?"

He replied, "Yes, I do. I do my Kegel exercises all the time."

What??!!

Just when you think you know someone...

Anonymous said...

Luckily I had put my coffee down in anticipation...

Barb

Rapunzel said...

the things I learn from you, girl! *shaking head*

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