Friday, September 4, 2009

Dude, Are You Trying To Kill Us?

I live in Rhode Island.

If you've never been here before, you would absolutely love it. It's culturally diverse, rich in history, and the local cuisine is absolutely TO DIE FOR...hence my never ending pursuit of a smaller ass.

Also, if you're a beach lover, Rhode Island boasts over four hundred miles of coastline. How ya like me now, Jimmy Buffet?

Anyhow, on the negative side, if you've been living anywhere but under a rock, you know that things here are not all peaches and cream.

My main gripe is that Rhode Island taxes are some of the highest in the country. Seriously. If I showed you my property tax bill, you would say, "OMG! That is effin ridiculous! Are the leaders of your state smoking crack?"

Um....I don't want to be excommunicated from the Ocean State. So, they'll be no comment from the peanut gallery on this one. That's what Google is for. Do your homework.

Anyway, the reason for this post is not really to discuss the state of my state. But I kind of want to rub something IN YOUR FACE. Yeah. That's right, people. I said, IN YOUR FACE.

You see. The big boys at KFC? Well, they think Rhode Island is special. They love us so much that they have utilized us as part of a test market in which to introduce this:

The KFC Double Down Sandwich*
*Lovingly created by some stupid bastard who thought that two deep fried chicken breasts (instead of a bun) surrounding melted cheese, special sauce, and BACON, would make the perfect sandwich!! Whoopee! It's the ultimate feast for the taste buds! And it's low carb!

J-e-a-l-o-u-s? Well...too bad, so sad for you. Because as I write this, there are only two states where this "sandwich" is currently clogging arteries, Nebraska....Congratulations, Cornhuskers! And, home sweet home, Rhode Island.

I don't know why they picked Nebraska. But, I know why they picked us. You see. We are the smallest state of the union...the virtual pimple on the ass of Massachusetts. And they figure, if all of that saturated fat makes us drop like flies, no one will ever miss us.

I just have one thing to say. To the KFC dude that invented this disgusting, unhealthy, abomination of a sandwich: Remember that old KFC slogan, It's finger lickin' good? Well, here in Little Rhody, we've got a slogan of our very own...just for you.

It, too, involves a finger.

Come and visit.

I'd be glad to demonstrate.

5 comments:

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Priceless.

Marc Munroe Dion said...

Anyone who doesn't like bacon sandwiched by fried chicken doesn't deserve to live in America. Away with your lettuce! Fie on your watercress! "Basta" to your beets!

Hanlie said...

The little state with the big attitude! Well said!

Debs said...

Yuckie deep fried mess!! I've seen the commercials for this. KFC also made that bowl thing: chicken, mashed taters, corn, gravy and cheese. An Ass Nightmare!!!

Rapunzel said...

Sally...psst..I posted a little challenge for you on my blog! :)