Thursday, September 24, 2009

I Scream! You Scream! We All Scream For Ice Cream!

Last night, Hubby and I went to dinner with the biggest narcissist ever. We're not close friends with him or anything. But, every so often we go to dinner with him and his wife (FYI...her elevator DOES NOT go all the way to the top) because he guilts us into it.

While we were eating, he went on and on and on about himself (like he always does). He was all, "I am so wonderful and I am the smartest person in the world and I am so fit and I always make the best decisions and without me the world would crumble to shit and my wife is sooo lucky to have me and I saved her from a wretched life of loneliness, and blah, blah, FRICKIN blah...."

And OH MY LORD IN HEAVEN! No one else could get a word in! I wanted to stab him in the neck with my butter knife. But, I knew that THAT would not make him stop because he is like the Energizer Bunny....except the Bunny is not a douche. You get my point, right?

Anyway, just when I couldn't take him for one more second, my husband, who by the way is the most easy going and respectful person I know, turned to me, shook his head in disbelief and said OUT LOUD, "This guy is a douche."


And I mean he said it RIGHT IN FRONT of the right there! As Douchley was bragging about how much he loved himself!

And? HUBBY DIDN'T EVEN WHISPER IT! He looked at me with an apologetic look like I am so sorry I made you have dinner with this asswipe and just hauled off right there and spewed, "THIS GUY IS A DOUCHE!"

Straight away, I started snickering. Then, I looked at Douchely's wife to see if she'd heard it. She was grinning...crazily...not like she'd heard Hubs or anything, but more like she was having a conversation with the voices in her head.

Then I looked at Captain Douche, and HE WAS OBLIVIOUS, still going on and freakin on about how he was all that and a bag of chips, too.

When we FINALLY got in the car to drive home, I looked at Hubs, let out a sigh and said, "You're right. That guy is such a douche! He seriously thinks he shits ice cream or something!"

And the Hubby's response?

Yeah, well somebody needs to tell him that "vinegar and water" is not my favorite flavor.


That's something I love about Hubs.

He is so funny...even when he's not trying to be.


CINDER said...

That is fabulous- I love the whole Douche concept- good for your hubby! People like that drive me crazy!!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Waitaminute, are "narcissists" the ones that want to sleep with corpses or the ones that can't get enough of themselves? Dammit, I should know this...

starfish264 said...

Genius writing as always - I feel like I was sitting at the next table sniggering away with you :o) You're right - that guy DOES sound like a complete waste of space and hot air!

MoraPiggy said...

Hiliarious as expected.
Everytime, I read your blog, I find my hubs looking at me with a crazy look on his face b/c I laugh out load the enite read.

Hanlie said...

I can understand why the wife mentally checked out a while ago... Hopefully you can resist the pleasure of their company in future!

Jen said...

Good for Paul!!!