The Best Compliments I've Ever Received:
1* A friend recently said to my husband, "You should get a pit bull. Then you'll have two. One that wears lipstick and one that doesn't."
My Response: "Bite me, Trophy Head."
2* I have a friend who is a priest. He sent me an email saying, "I found your theme song. Click here."
My Response: "Evil woman! Suh-weet! I must be doing something right!"
3* When an acquaintance saw how clean and organized the trunk of my car was, she glared at me in amazement and said, "You're sick."
My Response: "Dude, it's not my fault you're a pig."
4* Upon my arrival at a birthday party, a family member announced, "Well, if it isn't the rich bitch."
My Response: "Well, if it isn't the jealous Ho!"
5* During a verbal argument between two family members (which had nothing to do with me), I tried to calm one of the fools down. He looked me square in the eye and slurred, "You think you're sooooo smart just because you went to college."
My Response: It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that you're an asshole.
OK. I'm going out on a limb here. But let me analyze these so-called compliments for a second...
-A Lipstick Wearing Pit bull?
-An Evil Woman?
-An Overly Neat Sicko?
-A Rich Bitch?
I've turned into Sarah Palin.