Monday, September 28, 2009

Sally + Treadmill = Vulgar

I friggin hate to exercise.

There is no person in this entire world that hates it more than me. I used to exercise in the morning. I would roll out of bed, put my workout clothes on, pee (I know, TMI), grab a huge glass of water, and hop on the treadmill...where I would begrudgingly walk, groan, sweat, and hurl swear words in my head.

I freakin hated it.

Then, one day, I decided that morning exercise was bullshit.

You see, I am SO FAR AWAY from being a morning person it isn't even funny. So, I decided that maybe I would be a less vulgar exerciser if I "worked it" in the evening.

Bad call, Sally C.

You see....I hate to exercise. Did I say that already?

So, in the evenings, I found every excuse in the book NOT to get on that damn treadmill. Oh, I don't have time right now, I have to do laundry, pay bills, shave my legs, scratch my ass...whatever. You get my point, right? Because I KNOW that I can not be the ONLY PERSON in this world who angrily flips off the treadmill while actually walking it. Si? No? Okay than...maybe I am.

Anyway, my point is this. I HATE TO EXERCISE (I DON'T HAVE ALZHEIMER'S AND YES, I KNOW I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU THIS). But, I hate feeling like a big steaming pile of dog dump even more. Lately, my back hurts. My heart hurts. My legs hurt. And I am just tired of it. Seriously. I am PISSED at myself. I'm only 40 years old! WTF?

So, this morning, I did it. I made up my mind. I got out of bed and headed for the treadmill and worked it out. I sweat like a beast, I swore like a truck driver, I walked through the pain in my back and in my legs, and I did it. When it was over, I felt good...really good.

Funny story though....

While I was huffing and puffing on the treadmill from hell, I was watching a show called Teen Cribs on MTV. Have you seen this shit? Talk about making you feel like you live in a hut, for the love of God!

Anywho, the episode I saw featured two spoiled teenagers giving the viewer a tour of their seventy thousand quadrillion square foot house in Atlanta, GA. It had a home theater, a spa, a hair salon, a big mutha pool, jacuzzis (yeah, like SEVERAL), an outside hibachi grill room, a ballroom, and a Moroccan room.

Cuz you know...everyone needs a Moroccan room....

And then we, the common folk, were introduced to their parents, their masseuse, their nail salon technician, their hairdresser, their house manager (DUDES! THEY HAVE A FRIGGIN HOUSE MANAGER!), and their personal chef (OK...THEY CAN JUST BITE ME ON THIS ONE). And you know what I was thinking the whole time I was sweating my ass off on the treadmill and watching this shit?

I was thinking that even thought I am grateful for my life, and my faith, and my family, and my health---I don't want to hear that philosophical crap about money not making people happy.

Those people in that house getting their asses rubbed by their personal masseuse? They looked p-r-e-t-t-y damn happy.

I don't know who coined the term, "Money can't buy happiness."

But, I know one thing.

It must have been some dumbass who's piss poor.



Miz said...

teen cribs.
true life.

hath all seen me through cardio stints Ive LONGED to stop in the middle :)

I owe lots to mtv.


Anonymous said...

Glad to see you finally got off yer duff and on to that treadmill-- well done. And, frighteningly enough, you actually felt GOOD afterwards. Question is, how do you feel today?

I got myself a treadmill (Dante is his name) back in late July. I use the hell out of the thing and it is paying off bigtime-- not so much on the scale, but the clothing sizes are dropping nicely.

Persevere Sally, your ass will shrink. As for teenagers with jacuzzis and personal masseurs-- they will likely grow up to be messed up like Lindsay Lohan.


Sally said...

It beats "walking to" the Food Network ;)

I love that you named your treadmill! Any so far, I feel great! Look for me in the future...complete with a smaller ass ;)

Watching and Weighting said...

god bless MTV!!!!!!!!

Hanlie said...

It's usually not so bad once it becomes a habit, but the beginning stage can be hell! Good luck!