Monday, September 14, 2009

Spare Me, Stick Bitch.


After work on Friday, I went to the hair salon to have my naturally brown hair cut and colored.

While sitting in my hairdresser's chair, I was listening to another hairdresser moan and grumble about her weight and how her size SIX pants were soooo tight and oh my God she felt soooo fat and she had to struggle to get her pants up over her huge size SIX hips and her stomach was soooo big and when was she EVER going to stop gaining weight? And she absolutely had to STOP eating all of those Dunkin Donuts coffee rolls because they were making her soooo fat.

The whole while, I listened.

And, I nodded my head in apparent camaraderie.

And, I seriously visualized myself flat ironing her lips shut. That ought to keep you from sucking down anymore coffee rolls, Skeletor.

A word of advice for all of you stick figures out there that don't want the likes of me bludgeoning your skinny asses with my flat iron, hair dryer, or any other hair product for that matter:

Whenever there are women in your company whose clothing sizes are in the double digits, never complain about how fat and bloated your size SIX ass feels.

You may have worked hard to be that small. Or, you may have been blessed with good metabolism like Skeletor, the Coffee Roll Hairdresser. Either way, we can't relate. So, shut the hell up unless you want us to pick our teeth with one of your chicken bone legs.

I know.

Perhaps a little anger management counseling might be in order.

7 comments:

MoraPiggy said...

LMAO!! I'm so with you on that one.

~That picture is hilarious too.

Amanda said...

I think I last saw a single-digit in pants...

Shoot, I can't remember. But I'm pretty sure it was before I wore a bra.

petunia said...

I LOVE THIS POST!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

ditto. i call them 'fishers' of compliments. they're just dying for you say - what are you talking about? you look wonderful! - instead i just say - you're right. you better lay off the donuts fat a**

found you via one of my followers, mandy's life after 30 and now following you

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Someone should have buzzed her. LOL!

My place of employment just started a "healthy initiative." Collectively, there is ten of us all trying to lose 60 pounds over the next 12 weeks. And of course there is the one tall, thin person in our crowd giving all of us chubby folks her "advice" on healthy eating. I sooo wanted to shove double-stuffed oreos in her mouth to shut her up!

I found you through some blog hopping - I'm so glad I did. And I see one of my followers found you now as well.

Sally said...

Thank you ladies! I'm so glad you can relate to my "issue."

Mandy & Speaking From The Crib,
WELCOME! I'm so glad you're here!! And I'll be checking out your blogs pronto!

Hanlie said...

Hear, hear! That was so funny, but I think we all relate!