Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Heathen

I have a great idea for a reality show. It has no premise (yet), really. But, I already know what it'll be called.

Here's my inspiration:

The Hubby and I went to a funeral for our friend's father.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking how in the frick did this crazy chick garner inspiration for ANYTHING at a funeral?

And all I'm saying is give this crazy chick a second to splain, por favor.

See...I was sad at the funeral because my friend lost her Dad. And even though he was old and even though he'd been sick and suffering for a very long time, it is always sad to lose one of your parents. And no matter how old you are when you lose a parent? You always revert back to feeling like a kid...like an orphan of sorts.

And so I was really, really sad for her.

Anyway, after the funeral, my friend invited all of the attendees to a local restaurant where we would gather for lunch after the services. The Hubby and I got to the restaurant before most of the others. So, we walked in, chose a table, and sat down to await everyone's arrival.

A few minutes later, a priest walked in and came over to our table (which was a table for six). He asked, "Is it OK if I sit here?"

"Of course," I replied. So he smiled and made himself comfortable.

A few more minutes passed. Then, another priest came in and seeing the first priest, he too came over to our table. He asked, "Is this seat taken?"

"No, it isn't," I replied. So, he sat down at the table with me, Hubby, and Priest #1 (I am not even kidding, people).

A few more minutes passed and I swear to all that is sacred and holy, another priest came over to our table. He quickly sat down and said with a smile, "I guess this is the priest's table!"

I smiled back and replied, "I guess it is!"

Now, in the meantime, the restaurant started filling up with all of the other funeral attendees, many of whom are my friends. And as they walked by our table, they would poke me in the shoulder, motion to the priests and say things like, "You'd better behave yourself, Sally." And, "Fathers, looks like you'll have your hands full with this ONE (pointing at me)."

And under my breath, just loud enough for my friends to hear me BUT not loud enough for the priests to hear me, I responded, "Bite me." And then I flashed my angelic smile.

Hehehe *Insert evil laugh here (YES, even in the midst of three priests)*.

Anyway, once everyone was seated and the waitstaff started serving the food and beverages, Hubby and I began our chat fest with the three priests.

That's when I got it.

NO. Not the call to religious life. The idea for the reality show.

And? I voiced it.


To my husband (who was silently praying that I would not embarrass him).

And to the priests.

Here's what I said:

"Fathers! I just got a brilliant idea for a reality show!" I pointed to myself and then to them and said proudly, "Beauty and The Priests!"


The reaction?

Um. Let's just say that I'll be adding them to the ever growing list of people who don't think that I'm at all funny.



Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Could we get another pitcher of Holy Water for table 12?

Sally, you're hilarious...

Debs said...

You whackadoodle! That's hilarious .... What would the show be about? Maybe you could be the priests maid and they could be trying to exorcise you of your vulgarity!
He he.

Anonymous said...

Bwhhahahahaaa...funny stuff!

starfish264 said...

Genius!!!! You are a total genuis!! Will it be a bit like Beauty and the Geek - you have to make the priests cool and they have to try and make you behave?? ;o)

*Bitch Cakes* said...

OMG that's hilarious!!!! I wish I could breathe so I could laugh without pain! You rule, woman!