Monday, October 5, 2009

My Knight In Shining Armor

I swear. The older I get, the more my sense of humor resembles that of a thirteen year old boy.

For example....

This weekend, the Hubby and I went to two birthday parties. At one of them, there was this middle aged biker chick who was dancing like she'd lost her stripper pole but still expected dudes to shove dollar bills down her crotch.

Seriously, when you looked in her direction, all you could see was a world wind of boobage and Bon Jovi hair gyrating to the sounds of Bobby Brown (Crack is whack!) on the dance floor (80's music! What can I say? The birthday boy turned 40!).

Anywho, I love to dance. So, I was up there "getting jiggy with it" with the rest of them, while the Hubby hung out with some family members and babysat my purse.

After dancing for awhile and sweating my arse off, I ran over to the Hubby and asked him to get me a cold drink. Upon returning from the bar, he was off and running with this doozy of a conversation:

Hubby: Um. Are you going to dance some more?

Me: (sipping my soda....nodding yes)

: Do yourself a favor. Don't dance near that crazy lady over there. People are going to think you're with her.

Me: What crazy lady?

Hubby: That one (pointing nonchalantly). The one that's dancing like a HOSE MONSTER.

Me: (laughing uncontrollably like the aforementioned thirteen year old boy)Hahahaha....Hahahaha....Hahahaha....HOSE MONSTER....Hahahaha....I haven't heard that in years! Since I was in high school, I think! Hahahaha....

Hubby: Well, I'm just saying. You don't want people to think you're with her.

Me: Uh-huh. Thanks for the warning (guzzling my soda).

Hubby: (smiling) No problem. I'm just making sure that you don't get labelled a HOSE MONSTER by association.

Oh jeez.

***Addendum: For the definition of a Hose Monster, click HERE.


Watching and Weighting said...

sooo sorry to be dense (and British!) WHAT, pray tell, is a hose monster Sally??!!
love Liz x

Anonymous said...

How have I lived my 41 years and never heard of "hose monster"? After consultating Google....I am now a more educated woman. Thx!


Sally said...

I posted a link at the bottom of my blog entry where you can read the definition. Note: It's not pretty ;)

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I hadn't heard that term. Thank you for adding that to my vocabulary. It did make me think of "psycho hose beast" (as used in Wayne's World - love that movie!)

Love the conversations you post with your husband. You two are a riot! (and not Quiet Riot! ;-)

Watching and Weighting said...

Yes, when I click on said link it displays this:

"Prohibited by URL database (Offensive & Tasteless)"


None the wiser!

Sally said...


Hose Monster = Whore (of the Oral Nature)

Bet you didn't realize how educational this blog really is!

You're welcome:)

Watching and Weighting said...

ah i see! Now it all makes sense.

And, EEEEEW!!!!!!!