Many years ago, when I was in college, I had a friend named Nancy (name changed to protect my own butt). We were part of a clique that studied together, did projects together, hung out together, and really just supported each other throughout the years of our "teacher" training.
I liked Nancy very much. She was absolutely hilarious, smart, resourceful, and just an all around great person.
One thing that I didn't like about Nancy was her boyfriend, Paul (his real name). Paul was an ass. He was condescending, verbally abusive, and quick tempered. He was always telling Nancy that she was stupid, ugly, and could never do anything right.
During the end of our senior year in college, Paul proposed to Nancy...with one stipulation. They had to elope to Las Vegas on the very day of our college graduation. He stated that he was more important than her college commencement and if she wanted to get married, that was the deal. She could have her diploma mailed to her at a later date.
One day during a study period, Nancy told me of her plan to run away and marry jerkhole Paul. I.Blew.A.Cork.
I told her that she should postpone her wedding and go to her college graduation to accept the diploma that she busted her ass for. She worked hard for four years to attain her degree and all of her hard work was finally going to be acknowledged and I was so proud of her and if that douche she was marrying really loved her, he could wait another week to marry her.
She was upset that I wasn't more supportive. But, I had seen enough of what Paul had done to her and to the smidge of self esteem that she barely had left.
College graduation day came and went with no Nancy in sight.
About two months later, Nancy called me.
She invited me and two other college friends to her new home for dinner.
On the day of our visit, I found that she looked very unhappy. She seemed to be walking around on eggshells and we asked her why she was so uptight. Was everything OK? She told us that everything was fine but WE had to be careful not to make a mess because if Paul came home from work and found anything was out of place, she would be in big trouble.
Then she went on to say that Paul was always telling her that they lived in HIS house because HE was the one with the big paying job and she was just a glorified babysitter (she taught elementary school special education).
Can you believe this shit?
Finally, I said to her, "You know Nancy, you are such a beautiful person inside and out. You are pretty and smart and a great catch. Why do you let Paul talk down to you? You deserve so much better than that."
I didn't get much a response from her.
As a matter of fact, weeks later, when I called her just to chat and find out how she was doing, what I got was THE BRUSH OFF. She told me not to call her anymore because I made her feel bad about herself.
For the record, that was never my intention.
I just wanted her to stand up for herself...to know what a wonderful person she was...to not allow her controlling douchbag of a husband to suck away every ounce of self respect that she had left.
I couldn't defend what she didn't want to acknowledge. So, I let her go. I never called her again.
You're probably wondering why I am suddenly rehashing all of this stuff.
A few weeks ago, after not seeing or hearing from Nancy for sixteen years, I got a friend request from her on Facebook. At first, I was like are you freakin kidding me? I made you feel so bad about yourself that you bailed from my life for SIXTEEN friggin years! And now you want to be my friend? What gives?
So, I thought about it for awhile. And finally I thought oh why not.
We'll never be close again. But there's no harm in getting back in touch...from a distance.
Plus, I wanted to read her Facebook profile to see if she was still married to that jerkhole douchebag, Paul. And you can't read a person's profile if you don't "friend" them. So. Yeah. That was my ulterior motive.
Immediately upon "confirming" her as a friend, I pulled up her profile. And YES she is married. But, NOT to that asswad, Paul. She's married to a new guy! And she is happy.
True, we will never be close friends again.
But, I'm OK with that.
I'm just glad that she finally met a man who knows that she is smart enough. And pretty enough. And good enough.
Oh, and I'm also really glad about one more thing:
I get to post this blog entry on Facebook. And even though I'm not using her real name, Nancy will know that I wrote this for her. So, I'd like to conclude my story with this:
Remember back in college when I told you that your boyfriend Paul was a big scumbucket and he didn't deserve to lick the soles of your shoes and you kept making excuses for his assholiness? Yeah? Well....I TOLD YOU SO.
God. I love being right.