Thursday, November 5, 2009

Bite Me, Cliff Clavin.

I just got off the phone with the town post office's Big Boss Man

And I am pissed.

You see, on Monday morning, the town sent its street fixer-uppers or whatever the hell you want to call them, to my street where they dug up and replaced a sand catcher that is RIGHT IN FRONT of my mailbox (WHY? I have no flippin idea because there was nothing wrong with the old one!).

After replacing the sand catcher, they filled the hole around it with dirt and placed four orange cones on it to keep cars from driving directly over the freshly replaced soil.

Now, my husband says that the town is going to wait until the ground around the friggin sand catcher settles. Then, they will come back and tar the area.

In the meantime, I haven't gotten any mail in four days BECAUSE my a-hole mailman refuses to get his lazy ass out of the mail truck, walk TWO WHOLE STEPS, and deposit my mail in the mailbox. Did I mention that he is a lazy ass and he leaves my mailbox open EVEN in the wind whipping pouring rain because he is a blockhead?

So, I called his supervisor and told him that my mail is missing and that's really weird because I am the Queen of junk mail and it is not my fault that Lard Ass Mailman needs to get out of his truck to put said mail in my box AND when I lived in the city, ALL MAIL CARRIERS walked their mail deliveries to people's doors.

And do you know what the Post Office Boss Man said?

He said, "Mam. I'll have to check with your carrier to find out where your mail is. I'm sure it's an inconvenience for him to have to park his truck and get out to deposit your mail. But, he will resolve this issue."

So I, being of unsound mind and a large mouth said, "Well, it's an inconvenience for me to pay taxes. But I do it anyway. Tell Cliff Clavin to thank me the next time he gets a paycheck."



Anyway, to make myself feel a little better, I'd like to say...To my lazy ass mailman and his jerkhole boss, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU:

Keep my mail.

Bite me.

Who cares if you don't deliver my electric bill and my lights get shut off?

I'm resilient.

I'll light candles.


I have a wireless laptop!

That means that without electricity, my food will spoil, I'll have unruly hair, and I won't be able to watch television. But I'll still be able to tell the world that YOU ARE BIG, FAT WANKERS!

I love the internet. Seriously.


Watching and Weighting said...

eh? I'm confused? The post man won't physically post your letters?? Is that not kinda the crux of his job?? er.......?????


Anonymous said...

Marc Munroe Dion

I'm for the working man...if your mailman reads this blog, he's gonna start throwing your mail away, which is what I'd do if I was him.

Damn, I must be a socialist or something