When I'm getting ready to go out for dinner, an occasion, work, or whatever....my routine goes like this:
3. Brush Teeth
4. Apply Full Make-up
5. Dry & Style Hair
6. Get Dressed
7. Apply Perfume
My routine usually serves me well. However, there are always exceptions....like on Saturday.
On Saturday, I had to get a little more "dressed up" than usual. And because I was wearing a dress, this situation included pouring myself into the Spanx.
And y'all know how much I just LOVE wearing the body sausage, right?
So anyway, there I am, hair perfectly coiffed, fully made-up with my red Mac lipstick perfectly applied...and I?
AM WRESTLING SAID BODY SAUSAGE OVER MY THIGHS (Lord.Have.Mercy! I can't breathe!) and s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g to pull it up over my arse, when SUDDENLY, the frickin sausage casing snaps out of my right hand as I am yanking it up over my torso and BAM! I punched myself in the face!
And the worst thing? I didn't just punch myself in the face! I punched myself in the mouth...And? I smeared all of my lipstick UP MY FACE, UNDER MY NOSE, AND ALL OVER MY RIGHT CHEEK.
I looked like a cheap floozy who'd been making out with some horny dude in the back seat of a Camaro. Seriously.
Don't ask me why I felt the need to share this episode with you. I could have just swept it under the rug. Maybe I'm just hoping that some of y'all will tell me that this kind of shit happens to you, too.
No? Well alrighty....Just me then.