Thursday, November 12, 2009

Do Your Ears Hang Low?

My Mom goes to the hair salon once a week. She's been doing this ever since I can remember. When I was a little girl, I used to go with her on Friday nights. I remember sitting in the salon...coloring, reading, or sometimes when her hairdresser let me, I would sweep hair off the floor or remove perm rods from little old ladies' heads.

While at the salon with my Mom, I always paid close attention to all of the adult conversation because...you know...I was a nosey kid (REALLY?) and I was hoping to learn "adult" stuff.

Turns out, her weekly hairdo posse, was really quite humdrum. They discussed recipes. They talked about shopping and what stores had what items on sale that week. And once in awhile, they vented their frustrations about their kids and/or husbands.

B-o-r-i-n-g.

These days, things at the ole' hair salon have changed.

Now that I have unruly, biggish, graying hair myself...I go to the hair salon every four weeks. And my salon? Well, let's just say that my Mama would shit a brick if she heard what we talk about about.

Case in point: Last week, I was sitting under a dryer at my salon, baking on my "naturally" brown hair color...When all of a sudden, a debate ensued about the consensus that the older men get, the more their pee pee areas resemble sea urchins.


WHA, WHA, WHA, WHAT?

Yeah. From what I understand, gravity does not just take it's toll on women as they age (How are your boobs hangin?). But, apparently, men? Yeah, things with them...um...they start to enlarge, stretch, sag, elongate, and go south, too.

Well, alrighty then...

Anyway, I would like to clarify that I have (well...more like used to have---Thanks K!) zero knowledge about this...um...topic. I am oblivious. And? I would like to stay that way. So, please. All geriatric males are to refrain from sending me any photos of their "sea urchins." I don't wanna know.

Oh. And you're probably wondering how the hairstylists know about this little "situation."

Apparently, several of them were on vacation together and were swimming at a resort pool when they noticed Grandpa Pervie sitting on the pool steps with his "stuff"...um...How can I put this delicately?

Oh, hell. His junk was hanging out of his bating suit leg and practically scraping on the swimming pool floor.

The girls? They're still traumatized.

And then they shared this information with me. And now? I'm traumatized. Thank.You.Very.Much.

Anyway, one really funny thing that happened during this most informative hair salon gabfest was...At one point, my hairdresser asked an elderly woman who was under a hairdryer if the whole old man wee wee thing was true.

She inquired, "Mary? Is it true that the older men get, the more their packages resemble sea urchins?"

Mary responded, "How the hell do I know! When mine left me, IT was still young!"

Hahahahaha...

Let me conclude this post by publicly thanking my hairdresser (She reads my blog...expect a crazy comment!) for enlightening me with the graphic information that will make me have nightmares for a good, long while...and for making me afraid to swim in the ocean...sea urchins...Ick.

Dudes, I don't know about you, but I'm thinking my blog deserves an award.

Seriously...

Where else can you get this kind of education?

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Hell!!! If I didn't give you the award this summer you would have gotten it now.
Thanks for the info on what my body will do in the future.(When I get old)
I think I am going to start another business..... How does this sound for a name.
My Cox a Floppin Fitness Center!!!!

Sally said...

Lou-
Your wife must be so proud.

And FYI...You are in desperate need of therapy.

XOXO,
Sally

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Graying hair? You? I find that difficult to believe...

Debs said...

Crap Sally, both our husbands are already older than us!!

Anonymous said...

I think I've been traumatized.

Barb

Heather said...

That is TAME compared to what we discuss at my hairdressers...haha.

Watching and Weighting said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Seriously. I've never learned so much in my whole life! Your blog is like some sort of debauched public service!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!

And Lou, ditto what Sally said...sort it out mate :) xx

Hanlie said...

I will never be able to look at sea urchins again without remembering this post! Thanks!