Wednesday, November 18, 2009

From Kindergartners To Cougars

Sally & Deb, June 20, 2009 (MY GOD! Aren't we lovely?!)

The following is a recent email correspondence between me and my friend, Deb. I was the the Best Lady at her wedding in June and we have been friends since we were four years old. Together, I think we could rule the world (or at least, kick some serious ass).


From: Deb
To: Sally
Sent: Thursday, Nov 12, 2009 12:53 PM


Hello Mrs. Costa,
In obits today, Bob Smith died.
How are you? Anything new?
Mrs. D


From: Sally
To: Deb
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 1:17 PM


Agnes,
Yes, I heard. My mother told me yesterday. He was a meanie. God rest his soul (you always have to say this after speaking of the dead---no matter how mean and nasty they were...it's like a law or something). Anywho, there is nothing new here. We are working a ridiculous amount of hours between regular work and construction at the new place. Other than that, I've got nothing...And you? Let me live vicariously through you! Throw me some excitement. Will ya?
XOXO Tilly



From: Deb
To: Sally
Sent: Thu, Nov 12, 2009 1:41 pm


I remember you telling me he was mean, Tilly. I think I recall some parking situations in front of the store. But, we’ll be nice and wish him a peaceful rest.
Still working loads huh? That’s gotta be sickening. I’m not sure that you want to live vicariously through me! We were off yesterday and I painted the hallway while Hubby did some freelance work. This weekend, I’m going to re-caulk the tub! Joy! We’re hoping to meet up with Steve and his girlfriend next weekend, though. We can probably live vicariously through him!! He just got back from Thailand. He interviewed a man for a portrait that he's painting. Wacko. Ya gotta love Steve. He’s our age and has no full-time job. He lives in a nice apartment and he’s friends with his landlord, which must help. I doubt he makes the rent every month. He considers himself an artist and just goes with it! BTW: Did you get the wedding photos?
Agnes


From: Sally
To: Deb
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 1:45 PM


Agnes,
Oh yes! I did get the photos! They look very nice, but confirm my assessment that I have fat arms. Coodish (Portuguese swear word). WTF? Tell me...How can Steve (A) attract a woman, (B) afford to go to Thailand, (C) have a nice apartment...when he has no effin REAL job? And what about health insurance?


From: Deb
To: Sally
Sent: Thu, Nov 12, 2009 1:52 pm


Lol. Actually, I couldn't say what your arms looked like, I was fixated on my own fat arms and that pudge between armpit and boob (What the hell is that??) that kept displaying itself in MANY photos!! As for Steve, he (A) found the girlfriend online, (B) somehow got a frickin’ grant to go to Thailand and (C) has a nice apartment, but it could be condemned for lack of housekeeping efforts. Health insurance? Steve thinks he shouldn't have to pay for health insurance and was pissed to learn he had to when he worked at his old job. Now that he’s mostly unemployed, he probably does get it FREE through Commonwealth Care. We’re doing something wrong Tilly!! I’m SICK of working!!!


From: Sally
To: Deb
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 2:53 PM


I hate armpit pudge! WTF was I thinking wearing a sleeveless dress?????
Damn work! We pay $638.00 a month for health insurance! That's it! I effin quit!



From: Deb
To: Sally
Sent: Thu, Nov 12, 2009 4:02 pm


You’re too hard on yourself...Your arms were fine! I quit too! I’m going to find a psychiatrist and tell him that I just can’t deal with people or public places, then I’ll start shaking and plucking out some hair from my head, and see if I can get disability.

From: Sally
To: Deb
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 4:19 PM


Don't forget to drool, too. And maybe it wouldn't hurt if you started chewing on a red crayon....

From: Deb
To: Sally
Sent: Thu, Nov 12, 2009 4:20 pm


And, I’ll pee on his chair.

From: Sally
To: Deb
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 4:31 PM


Ooooh...and pick your nose and wipe it on his desk! I think that about covers all the bases.

From: Deb
To: Sally
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 4:35 PM


I’ll have to be careful not to overdo it and be committed! Though a quiet rest might not be so bad...

From: Sally
To: Deb
Sent: Thursday, November 12, 2009 4:43 PM


Amen, sister.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Marc Munroe Dion

Despite her strange remarks about armpit pudge, I'm the fellow who married Debs and I can tell you, when I got my first sight of her on our wedding day, I had to remind myself to breathe. I never saw a prettier woman in my life

Sally said...

Mr. Dion,
Good answer.

The Best Lady

cmoursler said...

okay, how romantic is he...I didn't notice ya'lls pudgy arms till you started talking about them. They still don't look pudgy but I was strangely fixated on figuring out whether or not they were pudgy. The dresses were pretty.

Robin said...

I almost just pee'd on my own chair.

I love reading your blog.

Sally said...

Awww...Robin! Welcome!

And thank you so much! I'm flattered that reading my blog almost made you pee yourself. That's the best compliment EVER!

XOXO,
Sally