Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sometimes Violence IS The Answer

Yesterday, on his way home from a very late night at work, Hubby called me from his cell phone to ask me this:

Me: Hello?

Hubby: Hey, Sal. I'm on my way home. Do we have any ice cream?

Me: Yes. We have Skinny Cow Chocolate and Vanilla Truffles.


Hubby: That's not what I mean. Do we have any REAL ICE CREAM?

Me: If you mean fattening crap, the answer is no.

Hubby: Well, I'm in the mood for some. I'm going to stop and buy some on the way home. Do you want anything?

Me: NO! DO NOT BRING ME ANYTHING!

Hubby: OK. I Won't. Bye.

Me: I mean it, Paul. Nothing for me...

Hubby: OK! BYE!

Me: Bye.

Fast forward one hour later.

I assumed that Hubby would stroll into the house with MAYBE a pint of Haagen Dazs or Ben and Jerry's...You know, just the perfect size container for ONE person to eat out of as they curl up on the couch and watch the telly...not that I've ever done that or anything.

Anywho, I should know by now not to make any assumptions. Because his idea of ice cream for ONE was this:



I know! You want to punch him in the head for throwing temptation in my path, too. Right?

Oh, and you know what the best part of this GIGUNDA GINORMA REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM PIE IS? The horrendous nutritional information, which, by the way, is for ONE FIFTEENTH OF THE EFFIN PIE!



WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH HE ATE? AT ELEVEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT? WHICH HE WASHED DOWN WITH A BUCKET OF MILK? RIGHT BEFORE BED?????!!!!!

This much:


That's right, my peeps. He ate ONE QUARTER of the pie.

Oh, I don't know. By my calculations, that means he ingested something like fifty thousand bazillion calories and twenty thousand quadrillion grams of fat.

And FYI? About a half hour later, he was in bed. Snoring. Not a friggin care in the world.

Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. That's me. Beating the crap out of him....in my head.

It's called a coping mechanism, people.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Leave the poor guy alone. He only had Spaghetti and meatballs for dinner and he has been working his ASS OFF, while you were out having a good time with a friend!!!
No Wonder people call you a "BITCHY TROLL".

Sally said...

Dear Anonymous,
It was an "angry troll." Get it straight, Peckerhead.

XOXO,
Sally

Hanlie said...

Ah, but at the weigh in, retribution will be yours!

Sally said...

Hanlie,
One can only hope that justice will prevail!

Anonymous said...

Marc Munroe Dion

Is there any left?
And bacon?
Do you have any bacon?

Jen said...

WEll....it wasnt quite a quarter it was about a 1/2 inch from being a quarter of the pie.....lol!!!!!!!!!

Lisa said...

I think yesterday was international stupid husband day. Mine brought home a slice of pizza and a magic bar AFTER we had eaten dinner. And yesterday was my first night going to WW meetings. He was lucky to survive the night.

'Drea said...

I didn't even know that Reese's had an ice cream pie; that's evil and everything, including the box, is visually appealing.

Watching and Weighting said...

hmmm... i wonder who your anonymous commenter is Sal, NOT! HAHAHA!

I WANT THAT REESE'S PIE! Bloody good job we dont have them in the UK - i would be obese!

also - excellent use of the word 'telly' - very British of yoU!!!

SAL I HEART YOUR BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watching and Weighting said...

also...'peckerhead' ??

Sally said...

Lizzie,
Thank you so much for the kind words! I think you are awesome, as well. You'd be correct in assuming that my "anonymous" commenter was your pal, Lou. He really is a pain in the ass! Oh, and to answer your question, in America, "pecker" is slang for "penis."

Kudos to my blog for being so educational!
Hahaha :)

XOXO,
Sally

Anonymous said...

Just remember, weigh in day is coming and he will go down in flames. My darling husband made dijon chicken the other night, with full cream the bahstahd.

Barb

Watching and Weighting said...

your blog is SO educational!! One sinply cannot find such things out via Gilmore Girls/Dawsons Creek/Sex and the city/24

My knowledge of north american slang and 'cuss' words has inproved threefold since i began following you HAHAHA!

xxxx

Sadaf Trimarchi said...

OMG. I think your husband is my husband's missing twin. Mine consumes a bowl of ice cream every night, even as he sees me sitting there bathed in my own sweat after just completing a treadmill workout. I love that. I mentally calculate how long it took to burn off a few hundred calories, while I see him eating ice cream that I am asked to buy every week at the grocery store. I love life.