This morning, I got to work late because I had to go to the town post office to discuss my a-hole mailman who is still holding my mail hostage because he is too effin lazy to get his fat ass out of his car to put my mail in my mailbox.
So, I walk into the post office and ask to speak to the post master. She comes to the door and OH MY HELL! I almost shit because I was expecting to see someone who looked...um...professional.
Instead? She looked like this:
I am not kidding.
My post master looks like the cracked out version of Courtney Love.
So I thought, g-r-e-a-t. This ought to be good.
And I wasn't disappointed.
Basically like the jerk hole I complained to a couple of weeks ago, Cracked Out Courtney told me that my mailman doesn't get paid to get out of his car to deliver my mail.
He is a rural carrier. And he will get out to deliver my mail ONLY IF HE WANTS TO.
She did tell me that I could have the post office hold my mail and I could pick it up everyday until the town public works department comes back to pave the spot in front of my mailbox (in two weeks). She also told me that by holding my mail for pickup, she was DOING ME A HUGE FAVOR. Because "they" don't typically allow townies this sort of privilege.
Hooray for me.
To return the favor of ALLOWING me to go OUT OF MY WAY to retrieve my mail, I would like to offer the post master some beauty advice.
You know...because I'm nice like that.
Dear Post Master,
You seriously need a makeover. I'm not picking on you because you are incompetent (even though you are). I'm just trying to help you because when I saw you today, you seriously scared the shit out of me.
The Courtney Love Crack Whore Look does not belong in the work place....unless you're walking the beat on a street corner. But, whatever.
When you show up to work with your big 80's bleached blond hair and your blood red lipstick, people will not take you seriously.
And? You will scare the children! I saw the way the little girl in front of me was staring at you. Dude, she thought you were a vampire! But that's only because she was too young to know what a crack whore looks like.
Do us townies a favor and tone that shit down. It's a post office not a strip joint.
Oh, and thanks for nothing.
Whew (loud exhale)....I feel so much better now.