Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Behold The Brilliance That Is My Husband *insert sarcasm here*

This is my bathtub:

It's a reproduction of an antique claw foot tub and it's the effin bomb.

Why do I love it so? Dudes! It holds SEVENTY-TWO GALLONS! It is so damn big that Hubby had to buy me an actual weighted foot pillow (I tuck my feet under it to keep me from floating) because every time I soak in it, my boobs---which are...um...ample, keep acting as flotation devices. Seriously.

Now the Hubby? He doesn't believe in taking baths. He says, "I can't understand why people take baths. It's like festering in your own filth."


Um, I don't think so.

You see, Dear Hubby...If I was a filthy pig that only bathed like once every two weeks or something, then YES, I would fester in my own caca. But NORMAL people (YES-- I SAID NORMAL!), like moi, bathe everyday. And since I don't work in a sewer or shovel cow shit for a living, a daily bath is just fine for me. Thank.You.Very.Much.

Recently, KARMA came to my house and bit my Hubby-Rub-A-Dub-Dubby square in the ass. And Oh my Lord in Heaven! He had to face his bathtub peeve HEAD ON because his beloved shower was BROKEN!!!

AAAAHHHHH *insert blood curdling screams here*!

Yep. We had a leak. And the tile in the shower stall had to be regrouted. And the tile on the floor around the shower stall had to be regrouted. And the shower doors had to be removed, replaced, and recaulked! OH MY FREAKIN HELL! CALL THE AUTHORITIES! MY HUSBAND IS GOING TO HAVE TO FESTER IN HIS OWN DIRTY BUM WATER!

Not so fast. people.

You see. The Hubby?

He is the most resourceful little bastard who ever roamed the state of Rhode Island. And when faced with adversity (Oh calm down! It's a bathtub, not a septic tank!), he comes out fightin.

He mulled over his options, ran out to the store for supplies, and returned home about one hour later. Shortly thereafter, he called me down to the basement to see what he constructed.

I call it his jimmy rigged redneck temporary shower.

He calls it his: SURVIVOR: RHODE ISLAND shower (Too much reality TV, ya think?)!


A sump pump in a kiddie pool sucks the water out:

The sump pump is attached to a garden hose which travels along the basement floor:

The water finally empties out into the laundry sink:

The redneck shower head? Yeah, that would be the garden hose nozzle:

The redneck shower walls (two shower curtains clipped together) are attached to hooks that have been screwed into the rafters:

Even I have to give the Hubby credit.

No, he can't boil water.

But, he turns into MacGyver in the blink of an eye.

Blog Addendum: The REAL shower is fixed! Hubby no longer uses the redneck shower. But, he refuses to take it down because he thinks it's cool and he calls it his "conversation piece." I think he needs meds.


Tina said...

LOVE your tub! I take a bath every night too, and I get the same "soaking in your own dirt" comment from the fiance on a regular basis. But the other night I went into the bathroom to get into a nice hot tub and he was sitting in it! He totally stole my tub full of water. LOL

The rigged shower was pretty redneck, but I must admit that it's also quite fabulous. Tell him I said "Way to go!"

Sally said...

Tell your fiance that I said: REAL MEN TAKE BATHS! Hahaha...

And I'll tell the Hubby that you like his schmancy new shower...even if it gives him a big head ;)

Thanks for reading!

Jen said...

I think you should try it out!! That could be interesting!

Anonymous said...

I think your dh is a very resourceful man. Mine steals the bath on me frequently (I have a slipper style clawfoot reproduction in acrylic-- LOVE IT).

cmoursler said...

um, I hate to say this...
But that redneck shower is pretty frickin' cool....
even if his avoidance of bath taking seems to border on the obsessive compulsive. He can't be that dirty...lol.

Watching and Weighting said...

*pukes at the phrase 'dirty bum water'

ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇ said...

Your husband is an effing genius! Love the new tub!

Hanlie said...

I think you get bath people and shower people... I am definitely the latter. We're moving into a new house in January and after the remodeling, we won't even have a bath tub!

Your hubby is a genius!