Monday, December 21, 2009

Bite Me, Jack Frost.

By now, y'all probably know that I live in Rhode Island.

Otherwise known as the Ocean State, Little Rhody is probably one of the most beautiful places to live.....IN THE SPRING, SUMMER, AND FALL.

But, in the winter? It seriously sucks ass.

Hmmm...I know it's not appropriate to generalize. So, let me reiterate that.

IN MY OPINION, Rhode Island Winter's suck major ass...especially once the friggin snow starts falling.

I'm sure y'all heard about the first major snowstorm that hit New England this weekend, right? Yeah...Well, over at my house, the grand total of snowfall? An UNGODLY 22 inches, people. And while all of the diehards are all Oh it's so pretty! We're going to have a "White Christmas" after all!

I'm all like Son-of-a-bitch, if Bing Crosby was alive I'd hunt his happy ass down and bludgeon him to a pulp with my snow shovel.

Eff the snow. Eff my frozen thighs after four hours of cleaning the wretched snow. Eff the boogers that froze to my face as I was pushing that mofo snow blower through waist high drifts of snow. And eff those family members who never offered to help us...especially during an effing BLIZZARD, even though we have endlessly helped them. I hope Santa brings them diarrhea for Christmas.

Sorry, peeps. Once my fingers thaw and my nose unreddens,I will get back into the Christmas spirit. I promise.

But for now, I'll leave you with some pics of what HELL REALLY LOOKS LIKE:

Ho, ho, ho?! My frostbitten ass...


Anonymous said...

You had to use a snowblower? Boo-hoo! I used a shovel.

Marc Munroe Dion

Sally said...

Bite me! It's an EIGHT car driveway!

Anonymous said...

As a Canadian and a veteran of 44 Canadian winters, you have my sympathy, sorta. Me, I'd clear one lane of the driveway and f*ck the rest until spring. OR you could pay someone to come with a tractor with a snowblower to do it in a couple of passes. Why suffer needlessly?

cmoursler said...

oh look, now pa really can go out to the barn for the just have to start whittling for a On the up side, you can make one h*ll of a snow fort. That global warming is a real pain in the *ss.

Hanlie said...

I can't even imagine it! It's hot here on the African savannah...

Anonymous said...

Bite me! It's an EIGHT car driveway!

An eight car driveway AND a snowblower...oh, the humanity! You're breakin' my heart!

Marc Munroe Dion

Heather said...

I am with you. Eff snow. Eff being woken up at 11:30 by the lady downstairs (which scared the hell out of me, I thought the degenerates who robbed me 2 weeks earlier were back to finish the job and kill me dead) telling me I need to move my car TO THE PARKING LOT A STREET OVER AND TRUDGE BACK IN A BLIZZARD OR ELSE IT WILL BE TOWED. Eff digging my car out of the snow. Eff driving in it. Why the HELL do we live here??