I know that I'm forty (WHA? When did that happen?) and you typically don't get letters from women like me. But, I really, really, really want something for Christmas...So, I'm appealing to you because if I don't get what I want?
Dude, somebody's going to get hurt around here.
OK. Here's the deal. I want you to make sure that my husband brings me this for Christmas:
This is the AWESOMEST crockpot ever! It's made by All-Clad and it is available exclusively at Williams Sonoma. Click here Santa because I know that you want to read all about how awesome it is!
Now, I know that we are in a recession. And I know that you are probably thinking, "Holy crap! This crockpot is a lot of gah-damn money!" But, you know what? I don't give a sh*t. I WANT IT.
Please take note that I am not asking for a car. I am not asking for diamonds. I am not even asking for perfume, cash, gift certificates, books, a trip to Grand Cayman, or the Wii Fit.
Of course, if you'd like to send me any of the aforementioned thingies IN ADDITION TO the crockpot of my dreams, I would happily accept them because I am gracious like that. But MAINLY, I JUST WANT THIS FRIGGIN CROCKPOT.
Now, here's the deal. I need you to get my husband to bring me this perfect specimen of an overpriced crockpot for Christmas. It must be in my hands by NOON time on December 25th, 2009.
Why am I being so nit picky about this?
I'll tell you why, Brutha.
This year, I am making Christmas dinner for my husband's family. We are scheduled to eat at 1:00pm. IF I DO NOT RECEIVE THE ONLY THING THAT I REALLY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS before dinner is served? Christmas dinner will consist of microwave popcorn and whatever condiments are on my refrigerator door.
And I ain't playin, Fatso.
Well, thanks for your help! And have a very Merry Christmas, Santa!
PS. Seriously, dude. You need to step away from the flippin cookies.