Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Lying Sack Of Poo

I need to tell you about something that happened to me last night. I am still pissed about it.

Let me start at the beginning....

During the last two months or so, I have been getting these weird messages left on my answering machine. Basically, they are from a law office that is looking for a woman named Stacy Costa. They always leave this drawn out message about how Stacy Costa has to contact them immediately about a judgement that is pending against her. I have wanted to call these people to tell them that they keep calling the wrong number, but their call back number never gets recorded because they talk too long and the answering machine hangs up on them.

But last night, this situation finally changed.

They called again while I was at work. This time, they left a phone number, a contact name, and a case number for the mysterious woman who I don't frickin know, but who they think lives at my house.

So, I decided to call them.

The first red flag occurred when I dialed their phone number and they answered, "Law Offices!"

I was like OK, this is weird. Law Offices of whom?

So then, I told the man on the phone about the answering machine messages that I keep getting for a woman who doesn't live at my house. He asked me for the case number and the contact's name that were left on my machine and then he put me on hold.

Then, the stupid bastard came back on the phone and started arguing with me saying, "We know that Stacy Costa lives at your house! It says so on your answering machine!"

Ooooh...Now I'm pissed off because this douche is calling me a liar, right? So I said, "MY ANSWERING MACHINE SAYS, HELLO! YOU'VE REACHED THE COSTA'S! We have the same last name! But there is no Stacy Costa at this address!"

Then, Mr. Douchely asked if he could put me on hold again. By now, I am so flippin pissed off because I was trying to help them by calling them back in the first place! Now they think I'm lying AND they're waisting my time?! Grrrrr....

Well, it even gets better.

Suddenly, Mr Douchley, comes back on the phone and he says ***GET THIS PEOPLE***He says, "Ms. Costa, we are not really a law office."

What the hell? So, of course I cautiously ask, "WHAT?"

And he said, AND I ABSOLUTELY QUOTE, "Ms. Costa. We are actually a religious group and we are trying to get the New Testament out. We'd like to begin by sharing the New Testament with you."

OH.MY.GOD! I was seething!

So I said, "You devised this elaborate scheme to get me to call you back only to try and shove your religious bullshit down my throat? I'm an Atheist (NOT)! Remove me from your call list immediately!" CLICK.

UGH! I was so effin pissed! Seriously!

Anyway, you know what I figure?

If these people can call my house for two months and leave bullshit messages on my answering machine, thereby invading my privacy. I can return the favor.

The guy who called me? His name was (*REMOVED BECAUSE MY LAWYER MADE ME). The bullshit case number he gave me was (*DITTO). And you can reach him at (*DITTO), extension (*DITTO). Tell him that the mythical Stacy Costa referred you.

Oh, yeah. And one more thing...Tell him that Stacy Costa said he is a crazy, lying zealot.....

Blog Addendum: I got another call from Mr. Fake Law Office Guy today. Aw, man. He's upset with me because he heard through the grapevine that I was talking THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH about his fake law office's lame telemarketing practices. I've just got one thing to say to him....

***Dear Mr. Fake Law Office Guy,
I'm pretty sure that Jesus isn't very impressed with you right now.


Anonymous said...

The irony of a religious group faking a law office is just rich. Now when I was a kid at church we had to memorize the 10 commandments, one of which had to do with lying specifically. Bearing false witness is not just about lying in court about your neighbours.


She woke up FAT said...

That's just nuts....
And I think I may be getting the same phone call.
Seriously I do. For a month someone has been calling asking for a Suzie *****. There is no Suzie here. He says it's about some case against her.

Sally said...

Barb~ AMEN to that!

She Woke~ I can almost guarantee you that these people who are calling you are the same crazies that were calling me. Nutbags.

Jen said...

What a nice religious gesture!!!! Pathetic....warped......glad you told them off!!! Who the hell would work for them....job description: Yes, you have a job and yes we are not a law firm, yes we spread religion in the form of lies...and you will have people return false calls regarding a false case so preach your best religion to win them over!!!

Abbey Shaw said...

.. WOW.
That blows my mind. I'd be pissed to all hell. I'm considering calling.
Just for you, lady!

cmoursler said...

okay as a southern baptist, I'm lit.
You don't lie to people to get out the message of God's love and forgiveness...and you sure don't tell people to stop sinning by sinning...
crack pots or what.

Sally said...


Amen to that, Sister! My point exactly :)


Mrs. B said...

My friend & I just called for you! :) But, they were out of the office!

I just can't believe they would do that! If you want to preach to someone, be up front about it. People will respect you more! People like that are what give religion a bad name!

Hanlie said...

Is that even legal?

claudine said...

You should call the State's Attorney General's office and complain. If enough people start calling, you know they will be forced to look into it.