I need to tell you about something that happened to me last night. I am still pissed about it.
Let me start at the beginning....
During the last two months or so, I have been getting these weird messages left on my answering machine. Basically, they are from a law office that is looking for a woman named Stacy Costa. They always leave this drawn out message about how Stacy Costa has to contact them immediately about a judgement that is pending against her. I have wanted to call these people to tell them that they keep calling the wrong number, but their call back number never gets recorded because they talk too long and the answering machine hangs up on them.
But last night, this situation finally changed.
They called again while I was at work. This time, they left a phone number, a contact name, and a case number for the mysterious woman who I don't frickin know, but who they think lives at my house.
So, I decided to call them.
The first red flag occurred when I dialed their phone number and they answered, "Law Offices!"
I was like OK, this is weird. Law Offices of whom?
So then, I told the man on the phone about the answering machine messages that I keep getting for a woman who doesn't live at my house. He asked me for the case number and the contact's name that were left on my machine and then he put me on hold.
Then, the stupid bastard came back on the phone and started arguing with me saying, "We know that Stacy Costa lives at your house! It says so on your answering machine!"
Ooooh...Now I'm pissed off because this douche is calling me a liar, right? So I said, "MY ANSWERING MACHINE SAYS, HELLO! YOU'VE REACHED THE COSTA'S! We have the same last name! But there is no Stacy Costa at this address!"
Then, Mr. Douchely asked if he could put me on hold again. By now, I am so flippin pissed off because I was trying to help them by calling them back in the first place! Now they think I'm lying AND they're waisting my time?! Grrrrr....
Well, it even gets better.
Suddenly, Mr Douchley, comes back on the phone and he says ***GET THIS PEOPLE***He says, "Ms. Costa, we are not really a law office."
What the hell? So, of course I cautiously ask, "WHAT?"
And he said, AND I ABSOLUTELY QUOTE, "Ms. Costa. We are actually a religious group and we are trying to get the New Testament out. We'd like to begin by sharing the New Testament with you."
OH.MY.GOD! I was seething!
So I said, "You devised this elaborate scheme to get me to call you back only to try and shove your religious bullshit down my throat? I'm an Atheist (NOT)! Remove me from your call list immediately!" CLICK.
UGH! I was so effin pissed! Seriously!
Anyway, you know what I figure?
If these people can call my house for two months and leave bullshit messages on my answering machine, thereby invading my privacy. I can return the favor.
The guy who called me? His name was (*REMOVED BECAUSE MY LAWYER MADE ME). The bullshit case number he gave me was (*DITTO). And you can reach him at (*DITTO), extension (*DITTO). Tell him that the mythical Stacy Costa referred you.
Oh, yeah. And one more thing...Tell him that Stacy Costa said he is a crazy, lying zealot.....
Blog Addendum: I got another call from Mr. Fake Law Office Guy today. Aw, man. He's upset with me because he heard through the grapevine that I was talking THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH about his fake law office's lame telemarketing practices. I've just got one thing to say to him....
***Dear Mr. Fake Law Office Guy,
I'm pretty sure that Jesus isn't very impressed with you right now.