Friday, December 4, 2009

See You Next Year, George Clooney!

The good news is---I have resolved my issues with my jerkhole mailman and he has resumed his normal delivery of my mail. Don't get me wrong. I still don't like him. But, he is no longer in danger of me stabbing him in the neck with a butter knife.

The bad news?

Yesterday, I received this ANONYMOUS card in the mail.
Front:

Inside:

For those of you who don't know the story, I have renamed my treadmill. I used to call it that piece of shit in the basement. Now, I call it George Clooney. I thought if I forged a personal relationship with it, I would like it better...respect it more.

Turns out that's a crock of shit. I still hate it.

Anyway, I used to rock George Clooney at least five days a week. But then, I started working longer hours. The Hubby and I started a renovation project from Hell. And the holiday preparations were in full swing. And basically? I tossed George Clooney under the bus for an extra hour of sleep every morning. Up yours, George.

Now, I'll have you know that even though I have not rocked George Clooney in awhile, I haven't gained a pound. Stayed the same. Holding my own. Whatever you want to call it....

So, to imply that my ass is any bigger than it was just a month ago? Well, MR. ANONYMOUS CARD SENDER...THAT IS JUST WRONG! And you are an EVIL LITTLE TROLL. And you can bite me.

You're probably wondering how I know that the anonymous card sender is a man.

OH PLEASE, Y'ALL.

You should know by now that there is only one little bastard in my life who does shit like this (if you haven't read about him before, click here). His name is LOU. But, I like to call him:

THE PRINCESS

Oh, yeah. And one more thing...

THE PRINCESS? I'd like to tell him that he can kiss the fattest part of my ass. But I won't. Because he's a Perv. And he'd probably enjoy it WAY too much....

See what I mean?

6 comments:

cmoursler said...

lol, I call my precor at the gym Christian, as in Christian Bale...
I figure if I think of the whole process as hopping on Christian 6 days a week and riding him for an hour I will be more enthusiastic. lol.
George clooney huh, I here he's not much for commitment, lol.

Abbey Shaw said...

... this is unsettling to me.

Anonymous said...

I've been faithfully visiting Dante regularly and my bubble butt hasn't gotten any smaller...YET.But I am getting a nice set of stomach musles, go figure. As for the princess, maybe he needs to spend some quality time with George. Somehow I don't see that happening.

Watching and Weighting said...

am I the only one who's happy that Lou is back??

Sally said...

Yes, Lizzie. I think you are ;)

H.K. said...

It's very disturbing when a man looks better in a tiara than me!