Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Burger With A Side Of SMACK

I have a confession to make.

I nag my husband.

I know. You're surprised, right? Because your thinking, How can such a lovely, timid, introspective, innocent, kind, and pious woman be such a NAG?

Shut up and stop laughing.

I'll have you know that my biggest gripe...the thing that I nag him the most about...is his forgetting to wear his seat belt.

It's the weirdest thing. You see, he always remembers to wear his seat belt when he's driving his truck. ALWAYS.

But he NEVER remembers to put his seat belt on when he's driving or riding in my car. It really pisses me off. And when this happens, which is like ALL THE FREAKIN TIME, I'll wait until we've been in the car for a minute or so and then I'll say, "PUT YOUR SEAT BELT ON! Don't think you're going to CROAK and leave me all alone to deal with YOUR PARENTS/MY MOTHER/THE BUSINESS! Geez, Paul!"

There is one thing, however, that I NEVER nag him about...

Well, not to his face, anyway.

And that is?

The food that he eats, people.

Oh, sure. I'll complain to the internet about how he eats like a beast and never gains a pound. And I'll complain to the internet about how he eats cookies and drinks bucket loads of milk RIGHT BEFORE BED and never gains a son-of-a-bitchin' ounce.

But, to him? I'm all like Oh that's so nice that you are savoring those Oreos while I am enjoying these luscious carrot sticks! Yay, for you!

So, last Friday, when we left work after a VERY LONG day and decided to stop at a burger joint on the way home for a quick dinner, my very accepting, supportive behavior continued....even after he ordered and ate the "Better Call the Doctor" burger (a big, honkin pile of beef, a FRIED EGG, cheddar cheese, smoked bacon, on BUTTERED toast)...WITH FRIES (SMACK, SMACK, SMACK):

...while I ate the Jamaican Jerk GRILLED CHICKEN sandwich with sweet pineapple salsa AND A SIDE SALAD.

After dinner, Hubby asked, "What are you going to do when we get home? Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

So I answered, "Maybe. But first, I think I'm going to comb over your life insurance policy...you know...make sure eveything is up to date and shit."

WHAT?

That IS NOT nagging!

5 comments:

Kyle Gershman said...

Wow...thin and fit are two different conditions. I have had friends who are marathon runners and strength trainers with super high cholesterol. I have had friends who are highly overweight with better health stats than me. Appearances are deceiving.

Great choice you made on that evil evil menu...where is that place and do they deliver?

Kyle
Getting Better and Better

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

You? Nag?

It's almost too implausible to believe...

cmoursler said...

lol...up his life insurance...that will get his attention.
oy, my husband eats things that make my toes curl.

Sally said...

Kyle,

FYI, his blood pressure is 120/70 and his cholesterol is 169...WITH ZERO MEDICATION.

And you can find this lovely burger establishment in Providence, RI! Come and visit. You can hold the hubby down while I force feed him 5 lbs. of french fries ;)

Sally said...

Jack,
I KNOW! RIGHT??