Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Evil Is As Evil Does

I threw my husband under the bus today. Figuratively speaking, of course.

I would never really throw him under a bus because I watch Dateline and I KNOW that whenever a married dude mysteriously croaks, the wife usually gets blamed. And I'm not into being any one's Pokey Bitch.

So, what I mean by throwing him under the bus is this...

I went to Weight Watchers today. And I don't think I've ever told you guys this....But, my Weight Watcher's leader? Yeah. Well, she's my husband's aunt (my mother-in-law's sister). And she thinks my husband is soooooooooooooooo wonderful...and sooooooooooooo nice...and suchhhhhhhhhh a goooooooooood mannnnnnnn.

So, today? I ratted on his ass.

She was discussing the importance of having healthy and satisfying food choices in our homes. And she was stressing the importance of ridding our homes of "trigger" foods.

Suddenly, she asked the class, "What are some of your trigger foods?" And I yelled out (at the exact same time as my buddy, Crockpot Dave---apparently, our "inner fat kids" are on the same page), "OREOS!"

That's when Auntie WW Leader looked at me and said, "OREOS! My goodness!" So, I explained, "They're not in the house anymore. I got rid of them yesterday (along with the Girl Scout Cookies, the Boy Scout Chocolate Trail mix, and loads of chocolate). And, NO. I didn't eat them. I gave them away."

Just then, Auntie WW Leader asked, "And why are those things in your house?"

And then, it happened.

I told the truth and threw my husband under the Weight Watcher's bus.

I said, "THOSE THINGS are in the house because YOUR NEPHEW brought them into the house! And he ALSO brought in SEVERAL JARS of peanut butter with dark chocolate chips mixed in!"

And then, as my WW class gasped in horror, I added, "HE IS EVIL."

Auntie WW Leader chuckled and responded, "No. Paul is NOT evil. He is a good guy!"

Damn it.

Not only is blood thicker than water.

Apparently, it's thicker than chocolate, too.


Debs said...

But, didn't it make you feel good, even for a moment, to rat him out!!

Sally said...


You betcherass it did!


Weighting Around said...

You were only being honest, right? And do you think I should tell our WW leader tonight that my boyfriend skipped weigh-in because he ate too much this week and didn't lose? Maybe I will, and then again... who knows!

cmoursler said...

you shouldn't have said he was evil...you should have looked slightly downcast and then said..."I TRY to please him..."

but I think you have to be wearing a jumper and some flats for the matyr thing to work. lol.

Kyle Gershman said...

I'm merely suggesting a small public stoning for your husband. An intimate affair with your WW classmates. Simple...tasteful.

Watching and Weighting said...

hahaha! it's a conspiracy! Next time you go, Lou will be one of the weighers!!!!!