Friday, February 26, 2010

I Can't Drive...45???

Guess what?

Sally was pulled over while driving---TWICE in ONE WEEK.

But, wait. There's more! I AM INNOCENT!

Well...I didn't really do anything THAT bad.

The policemen involved were just bored. Seriously.

Altercation numero uno happened one night at NINE-THIRTY PM---while I was driving home from work. I was tired. The day had been l-o-n-g. I just wanted to get home, take a bath, have a snack, and relax for a short while---before getting up early the next morning and facing the same bullshit workload. I was driving through a small Rhode Island town on a one lane road and I was annoyed because Grandpa Moses was in the car in front of me and he was doing twenty in a forty mile an hour zone. WTF?

At the next traffic light, the lane split into two for a short while so I thought, here's my chance to go around Pepere and get out of this senior citizen parade. So, I pulled into the left lane and GUNNED it when the light turned green. I had to act fast-ish because the lane turned back into ONE STUPID LANE in just a few feet. That's when I saw the police lights and pulled over. Son-of-a-bitch.

Mr. Twelve Year Old Policeboy---who was probably looking to make his quota in this boring ass little town---came over to my window and asked for my license and registration. Then he said, "Was that your car that made that loud revving noise?"

I wanted to say, "Sherlock, you are so effin observant."

You know...because the only people on the road at that time were me and the old man that had been driving in front of me.

But, not wanting to push his buttons, I said, "Yep."

Then he said, "Are you alright to drive?"

Oh my fugging hell, Opey.

I rolled my eyes (I KNOW I DID) and responded, "Yep."

He walked away to presumably check on my info and make sure that I wasn't a WANTED criminal or something. Then, he came back and gave me my crap and said, "You might want to take it easy on that gas pedal." I wanted to say, "You might want to buy some Proactive Solution, Opey." But, instead I just said, "Yep."

I was a woman of limited conversation that night. But, I was rewarded with NO TICKET. Yee ha!

Three days later, altercation numero dos took place...SAME FUGGING ROAD...different twelve year old Policeboy.

I'd left work at 11:30PM and I was tired and aggravated. This time the violation was speeding. I was doing 45 MPH in a 40 MPH zone. THAT'S FIVE FUGGING MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT. Big fugging whoop.

So, I get pulled over. And blah, blah, blah---Policeboy askes me for my shit AND then he asked my husband for his license, as well. You know...cuz he could be the fugging fugitive that I am harboring in the passenger's seat.

After checking us out, Policeboy comes back and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" So, I say, "No." And he said, "You were doing 45 in a 40."

I wanted to say, "ARE YOU FUGGING KIDDING ME? YOU'RE PULLING ME OVER FOR FIVE FREAKING MILES? WTF? THIS IS RHODE ISLAND! SHOULDN'T YOU BE OUT ARRESTING SOME CORRUPT POLITICIANS OR SOME SHIT?"

But, I bit my lip and I rolled my eyes (can't control it). And I just said, "OK."

That was it. OK.

At that point I'm thinking, hurry up and give me a fugging ticket so I can get the hell home, a**hole. I had nothing else to say.

I think this shocked Policeboy. He was expecting a rash of shit from me. I could tell.

But, instead, I said nothing but, "OK."

Realizing that this was a deadend conversation, he handed me back my stuff, told me to SLOW DOWN (Fug you, Opey), and let me and the fugitive (Hubby) drive away---ticketless (YAHOO).

Fast forward to yesterday...and the REAL reason why I'm pissed off.

I went to a local department store to pick up some office supplies.

And when I got there, I saw this car...with NOBODY IN IT...parked LIKE ASS...in a NONPARKING SPOT:


Yet, I?

AM AN APPARENT MENACE TO THE ROADS.

What the hell is wrong with this picture?

4 comments:

Kyle Gershman said...

Yep...that person clearly suffered a stroke on the way into the parking lot and coasted to a stop...

...or they are fuggin morons who should have had their license taken away 20 years ago when they were 80.

MB said...

Glad you didn't get any tickets. WTH are the cops pulling people over for being 5 miles over the speed limit. You would think they would have better things to do with their time.

People really need to learn how to park. I had a guy block me in while at the store today because he didn't pull the car all the way into the spot and I couldn't fit my big truck past him. I sat and waited, and waited until the idiot came out of the store. If it wasn't pouring I would have stood outside and given him a little piece of my mind. UGGHH!

Be careful on that road...they're out to get you.

Debs said...

You got lucky sister. Must be the ta-tas!

'Drea said...

I thought they *gave* you 9 mph over anyway.

The last time that I was in traffic court the judge kept saying: you were going 45 in a 35...

I hate when cops ask you "Do you know how fast you were going?"

I wonder if this question is a standard training one...