I have been living under a rock of denial.
I am referring to the PHENOMENON that is the Twilight book series:
See...I've been sort of boycotting this whole vampire teenage love story thing. I was all, I refuse to read that childish crap! I am an educated ADULT! What's with all of these grown women getting all hot and bothered by this lame ass Edward Cullen (the lead blood sucker)? They must all be fugging crazy!
After all of my denials and my absolute refusal to purchase any of these books? My friend, Jen, gave me Twilight for Christmas. That b*tch (Love you, Jen!)! And that's not all. She also gave me an Edward Cullen bookmark:
At first, I looked at her like she'd been smoking crack. I was all, "Seriously, Jen?" And she was ADAMANT! She said, "Just give it a chance. You are GOING TO LOVE IT. Trust me!"
"Oh, alright," I said. "I'll give it a whirl. BUT I'M NOT TELLING ANYBODY ABOUT THIS (except for you, ENTIRE INTERNET)!"
And because I love, love, love books...Can you tell?....
Sally's Library (I am a dork):
I gave it a chance.
I started it on Sunday. By Tuesday, I was halfway done with it. By Thursday, I was all in an effin frazzle...carrying it with me EVERYWHERE! I smuggled it to work in my briefcase. I read it in the bathtub. I read it while I was on the phone "supposedly" listening to my mother. I.WAS.OBSESSED.
But, in the beginning, the practical side of me was having a hard time with the story line. I addressed this with my friend, Nicole, who is a HUGE fan of the Twilight book series. I said to her, "I don't get it! Tell me how this chick can go to her vampire boyfriend's house to meet his entire vampire family AND NOT BE WORRIED AT ALL that they might collectively poke her with straws and drink her up like a giant bloody scorpion bowl?" Nicole answered, "Sally. You need to stop being so practical and start focusing on the fictional. It's an escape. And it's about love. Focus on that."
So, I did.
And shamefully, I am now hooked.
So much so that yesterday, when Hubby asked me, "What do you want for Valentine's Day?"
I can't believe I said it either, people...but I answered, "I would just fart rainbows and shit Haagen Dazs if you bought me the rest of the Twilight series!"
So yesterday, after work, he did....
And the movie, too!
Guess what we'll be doing on Valentine's Day?!
NO, NOT THAT---YOU PIGS!
I meant watching the movie! And eating a fabu home cooked meal!
Which brings me to this question...
Am I the only one who craves Bloody Marys while reading about vampires?