Got a story for all of the men out there who read my blog. And I know that there are like THREE of you. So, in advance, let me just say, you're welcome because you are going to score big if you heed my advice.
The story begins with last my Weight Watchers meeting. The meeting was just about over when a gentleman who attends it regularly came over, sat near me, and said, "Sally Costa...I have a question to ask you. By the way, my name is Dave."
I already knew his name because (A) he is one of the only men who attends my meeting, (B) he is very personable, and (C) every time he has a bad week he says, "Damn it! My inner fat kid got out again." And I think that is funny as shit!
Anyway, I was all, "Sure! What's up, Dave?" And he looked me in the eye in a way that made me think that he thought that maybe I was a bit "unsteady," if you know what I mean, and said, "Um. Your crockpot?"
And that is all it took. I was off and running!
All-Clad Aluminum Insert Crockpot (available exclusively at Williams Sonoma)
I was like, "Oh my God! I got it! And I love it! And it is the awesomest crockpot ever?"
And then I stopped for a second because I realized that he reads my blog and I felt a little weird because, frankly, I always think that I am just blogging to myself and what crazy human being (Yeah! I'm talkin' to you!) would actually invest a few moments of their day to read the crap that spews from my head?
Holy crap! Apparently my readers REALLY DO exist! And they are not JUST my husband, leaving comments under several assumed names just to make me feel good.
But, I digress...
So, anyway, then Dave says, "What is so great about THAT crockpot? My wife likes to cook and I'm thinking that maybe she might like one."
So, I was all like, Oh my God! It is the best crockpot EVER because it has an aluminum insert and you can use the insert on top of a gas or electric stove to brown meats before you cook them in the crockpot! That means you can eliminate a pan! And I am lazy so anytime I don't have to wash an extra pan, I am happy (OK, Dave. Stop looking at me like I'm a whackjob)!
Ooooh! Ooooh! AND? I forgot to tell Dave something else (DAVE? ARE YOU LISTENING?)! But this crockpot also switches from a cooking setting (high/low) to a "keep warm" setting when your food is done! And that is fugging fantastic if you have to work late! Because, when you get home to eat your dinner, you won't have a big, fat Crockpot O' Dried Ass waiting for you! Instead, your meal will be hot, moist, and crocktastic!
Can you tell I'm a tad bit obsessed?
Anyway, finally I looked at Dave and said, "Trust me! You have to buy it for your wife! SHE WILL LOVE YOU!"
He didn't look convinced.
Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that Dave's thinking that if he gives his wife a crockpot for...oh...let's just say, Valentine's Day, she will want to punch him in the head. Because most of the time? Women don't like getting appliances as gifts from their hubbys because said appliances IMPLY that maybe the hubbys are thinking that their wives should get off of their asses and do more shit around the damn house!
This scenario DOES NOT apply to the awesomest crockpot in the world! Plus, if you throw in a great crockpot cookbook with it? Dudes! Trust me! It'll be like foreplay! You know...cuz FOOD IS LOVE!
On the other hand, if you don't take my advice and you are one of those dumb asses who thinks that your wife will just shit herself with excitement because you bought her a new vacuum cleaner for Valentine's Day?
Then, dude! You really are as dumb as a stump.
And for being such an unromantic shlub?
Your woman will want to banish your pee pee to Dingus Siberia...forever.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
****Blog Addendum: Click here for some fantastic crockpot recipes!