Monday, February 1, 2010

Would I Lie To You?

Got a story for all of the men out there who read my blog. And I know that there are like THREE of you. So, in advance, let me just say, you're welcome because you are going to score big if you heed my advice.

The story begins with last my Weight Watchers meeting. The meeting was just about over when a gentleman who attends it regularly came over, sat near me, and said, "Sally Costa...I have a question to ask you. By the way, my name is Dave."

I already knew his name because (A) he is one of the only men who attends my meeting, (B) he is very personable, and (C) every time he has a bad week he says, "Damn it! My inner fat kid got out again." And I think that is funny as shit!

Anyway, I was all, "Sure! What's up, Dave?" And he looked me in the eye in a way that made me think that he thought that maybe I was a bit "unsteady," if you know what I mean, and said, "Um. Your crockpot?"

And that is all it took. I was off and running!

All-Clad Aluminum Insert Crockpot (available exclusively at Williams Sonoma)

I was like, "Oh my God! I got it! And I love it! And it is the awesomest crockpot ever?"

And then I stopped for a second because I realized that he reads my blog and I felt a little weird because, frankly, I always think that I am just blogging to myself and what crazy human being (Yeah! I'm talkin' to you!) would actually invest a few moments of their day to read the crap that spews from my head?

Holy crap! Apparently my readers REALLY DO exist! And they are not JUST my husband, leaving comments under several assumed names just to make me feel good.

But, I digress...

So, anyway, then Dave says, "What is so great about THAT crockpot? My wife likes to cook and I'm thinking that maybe she might like one."

So, I was all like, Oh my God! It is the best crockpot EVER because it has an aluminum insert and you can use the insert on top of a gas or electric stove to brown meats before you cook them in the crockpot! That means you can eliminate a pan! And I am lazy so anytime I don't have to wash an extra pan, I am happy (OK, Dave. Stop looking at me like I'm a whackjob)!

Ooooh! Ooooh! AND? I forgot to tell Dave something else (DAVE? ARE YOU LISTENING?)! But this crockpot also switches from a cooking setting (high/low) to a "keep warm" setting when your food is done! And that is fugging fantastic if you have to work late! Because, when you get home to eat your dinner, you won't have a big, fat Crockpot O' Dried Ass waiting for you! Instead, your meal will be hot, moist, and crocktastic!

Can you tell I'm a tad bit obsessed?

Anyway, finally I looked at Dave and said, "Trust me! You have to buy it for your wife! SHE WILL LOVE YOU!"

He didn't look convinced.

Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that Dave's thinking that if he gives his wife a crockpot for...oh...let's just say, Valentine's Day, she will want to punch him in the head. Because most of the time? Women don't like getting appliances as gifts from their hubbys because said appliances IMPLY that maybe the hubbys are thinking that their wives should get off of their asses and do more shit around the damn house!

This scenario DOES NOT apply to the awesomest crockpot in the world! Plus, if you throw in a great crockpot cookbook with it? Dudes! Trust me! It'll be like foreplay! You know...cuz FOOD IS LOVE!

On the other hand, if you don't take my advice and you are one of those dumb asses who thinks that your wife will just shit herself with excitement because you bought her a new vacuum cleaner for Valentine's Day?

Then, dude! You really are as dumb as a stump.

And for being such an unromantic shlub?

Your woman will want to banish your pee pee to Dingus Siberia...forever.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

****Blog Addendum: Click here for some fantastic crockpot recipes!

7 comments:

Kyle Gershman said...

Now that is one sexy crockpot. Your link wasn't working, can you elaborate on the make/model? I already have a great crockpot, but perhaps not AS GREAT as yours. And my wife only gets excited when I cook as she is less enamored with the culinary arts.

I do totally appreciate the stove top to crock pot concept. That is pretty wicked.

Sally said...

Kyle,

It's the All-Clad aluminum (not ceramic)insert crockpot from Williams Sonoma. It's expensive
($299) , but totally worth the investment. Trust me :)

Sally

Chgoest said...

Sally, give us a link or post the recipes of your best crockpot meals! Are you using the new WW crockpot book or do you have some different tricks up your sleeve?

Dish! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Here I must disagree with you Sally-- I would most definitely NOT be grateful to receive a crockpot of any kind for Valentine's Day.

DAVE, if you are reading-- go with the SPA DAY

Sally said...

Chgoest,

My favorite resource for crockpot recipes is: www.crockpot365.blogspot.com

It is an awesome reference! I went back to my blog post and linked it for your viewing pleasure! Thanks for reading!!

XOXO,
Sally :)

cmoursler said...

lol sally,
I keep on fearing that i will run into an actual blog reader...they will take one look at me and say...."What's the big deal.'
lol.
I like your idea of wearing sunglasses, it strikes me as a good way to stay incognito.

David Danielson said...

Sally, I am disappointed that you felt that I was not a believer. I could see the sincerity in your doe-like brown eyes as you espoused the features and benefits of the over-priced kitchen equipment that you so desperately needed and now have. In fact, I'm used to that because, as I told you, I have my own Portugese-American Princess at home who has become acustomed to the finer things in life.

You had me at Williams-Sonoma!

After our impromptu meeting, I went home and discussed this very subject with "She who must be obeyed" (I call her "she who must" for short) and she though it would be a great idea to have a $300.00 crock pot in which she could make her Sam's Club meat balls and sauce. (Her family thinks she makes it from scratch! Ha)

I have done my on-line research and decided that I will buy one for her for Valentines Day. Now I realize that this is somehting of a risk for me, so as a safety net, I am going to print out your blog and use that as her Valentines Day card (I'm anti-Hallmark, but that's another story)

She who must and I have been married for almost 25 years and I have given her some real clunkers for gifts over the years. I am putting my trust in you and your sage advice. If we don't make it to our 25th in June, it will be your fault.

If this works out, I will arrange for you and she who must to meet to discuss your Louis Vuitton needs. She has told me that she doesn't have nearly enough. How about you?