Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Talkin Sh*T

My life is off kilter, mainly because I am stretching myself too thin.

My husband and I own our own business and we have been working a ridiculous amount of hours (Yesterday? 9AM to 1AM! Holy crap!) to try to keep up with our customers' demands. Because in this economy, if we don't keep them happy, then someone else will.

We are also in the middle of renovating a building to which we will move our business in a few months. Talk about stress, people. AHHHHHH! I wont bore you with the details, but let me just say that contractors suck big ones.

Anywho, the point of this post (and I do have one) is this. Lately, I feel like I don't have enough hours in my day to plan my meals or exercise the way I should. That means I have been eating lots of shit---on the go. I haven't seen a change in my weight, YET. But, I definitely see a change in the way I feel.

I'm not going to get into TMI details here, but...OH FRIG IT. Yes, I am.

Here's the bottom line. When I eat too many processed foods and not enough high fiber healthy foods, I can't poop. Actually, I can poop. But, during those times when I'm trying to do my bin-ness, the term "shitting a brick" becomes my reality. There. I said it. And I KNOW you know what I'm taking about because Dr. Oz had a whole "pooping show" on Oprah and lots of women were in the audience lamenting about how they crap marbles, so there.

Hold on a few seconds. The business phone's wringing....






WTF? This telemarketer dude just called here (I AM SERIOUS!) to try to sell me flashlights with my company name on them! When I thanked him and said I wasn't interested, he asked me if he could tell me a joke! I said, "Fine. Make it snappy. Because I'm really busy telling my bloggy peeps about how I'm having trouble making poo because I've been eating too many chocolate chip muffins." Oh.Yes.I.Did. He laughed and said, "OK, then! Why did the spider cross the road?" "I DON'T KNOW. WHY?" I asked. He responded, "To get to his website! HAHAHAHAHA." Click. I hung up on his ass.

OK. Now what the hell was I saying before Flashlight Man called? Oh, yeah...poop. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel yucky. I've been neglecting myself. I need to do better. I need to learn how to say NO more. And I really need to try harder to keep it together and make myself a priority.

Oh, and while I'm spilling my guts, I might as well confess one more thing.

Yesterday, while sitting in my office at work, I had a chocolate chip muffin for breakfast. AGAIN. And while I was eating it, the phone rang. I turned to answer it---and I dropped a bite sized chunk of my muffin on the carpet. I looked down at it, analyzed the situation, and said to myself, "Self. That piece of muffin has like THREE chocolate chips in it. Chocolate is like GOLD. It must not go to waste." So, I picked it up, looked around to make sure nobody was watching me, and I ate it.

I'm so freakin refined, I could just shit bricks.

Oh, wait. I already do.



Amanda said...

I work in the construction industry (architectural -- but I'm the office manager), and it can make you insane. I hear ya.

For the fiber issue, which I also (ahem) suffer from, I'm considering taking one of those fiber drinks. At the moment I'm eating one VitaTop once a day, and it has some good fiber in it? Eh, whatever works.

And the telemarketers. Oy vey. Don't get me started. At least the mailed offers usually contain a freebie pen. "Picture your clients' feelings as they reach into their pocket and find your firm's pen. The goodwill this will engender..."

Oh barf on a stick.

That said, those without a freebie/ burnt offering to the office manager? Straight into the trash.

Anonymous said...

Get bran muffins with chocolate chips in them? Use chocolate peanut butter spread in your celery stalk? Drink EVOO?

Sounds like things are nuts, I hope they settle down a bit soon.

Debs said...

Colace (the name brand) for a few days. Then, the apple a day theory works!
Don't forget the cran-blue bran muffs from Tim Horton's. I know you like 'em.

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

This blog's really going to pot. ;)

cmoursler said...

I had a cup and a hlaf of milk with ovalitine in it this morning to fix a chocolate urge. In doing so, I gave up a morning coffee. sucktastic.
you want to fix your pooping a bean burrito with a ton of veggies and wash it down with out....
Hope things 'smooth' out.

Stephanie said...

I work with women to help them create a positive relationship w/ food - I'm a holistic nutritionist and psychotherapist - and let me tell you, poop is diagnostic. All my clients become accustomed to our conversations about size, color, texture, and frequency. I never thought I would have a job where I talked so much about...poop.
9 weight loss