Thursday, April 1, 2010

Accidentally On Purpose?

If you know what's good for you, you WILL take my side.

Last night on our way home from work, we stopped at a convenience store to buy milk. As Hubby was getting out of the car (I stayed in the car) he asked, "Do you want anything else besides the milk?" I thought for a second then said, "Yes. Can you get me a loaf of Light Milano bread?" "Okay," he said. And away he went.

A couple of minutes later, he came out of the store, put the bag on the back seat, and we headed home.

When we got home, Hubby unpacked the convenience store bag and said, "Here." And he handed me this:


WTFFFFFFFF?

Me: Why in the hell did you buy me a box of Oreos?

Hubby: Because they didn't have Milanos!

Me: I didn't ask you for Milanos (AKA Pepperidge Farm Devil Cookies)! I asked you for LIGHT MILANO bread!

Hubby: You did?

Me: YES! WHY WOULD I ASK YOU TO BUY ME COOKIES? Seriously, Paul?!

Hubby: I don't know! I guess I didn't hear you!

Me: OH.MY.GOD.

Hubby: It was an accident! I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!

Me: *grumble, grumble* (mumbling under my breath and contemplating using a taser)

Now, in stating my case against Hubby, let me just say this. HE SAYS he can't hear. He's always walking around asking me WHAT? WHAT? HUH? HUH? WHAT'D YOU SAY? WHAT WAS THAT? Yet, he went to an ear, nose, and throat specialist AND had a hearing test and the doctor said he hears perfectly.

You know what I say? I SAY that he has selective hearing and hears what he wants to hear. You know why? Because miraculously he always hears what I don't want him to hear! He can hear me drop a hundred dollar bill on a shag carpet. But, when I ask him for Light Milano bread, he hears, "BUY ME OREOS!"

Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack! Seriously.

Oh yeah! And one more thing...

Last night at around ten-ish, he was sitting on the couch watching the telly with a PLATE OF OREOS and a big glass of milk in front of him. When I walked by, he smiled at me and said, "Oreos are AWESOME."

I said nothing (WHY BOTHER? HE CAN'T HEAR ME, REMEMBER?). I just made a face and walked away.

But, I did leave this on the kitchen counter for him before I went to bed:


I think you'll agree that even the hearing impaired would get this message.

12 comments:

Katy said...

mmmm, oreos. No, NO DIE OREOS! What a good, and BAD husband.

Bippy Mama said...

Speaking for the hearing impaired, I agree! Mick can hear anyone but ME! I even say that his phone has "WIFE BLOCK" on it so he doesn't get my calls. Men!

Justine said...

Too funny!

Jenn said...

Let's hope the message was received! :)

Debs said...

LOL. Subtle Sally.

Kyle Gershman said...

Hubby's thinking..."oh...so you want me to split the box of Oreos in half? Why didn't you just say so...you could have left the knife by the side of the box hun...I would have understood. You know, I meant to share"

MB said...

HAHAHAHA...I hope he got the message. My bf has selective hearing too. Even if he hears what I say he often answers me in his head so I ask again and he gets irritated saying he already answered me - just not out loud. Pfft...men...what are we going to do with them?

cmoursler said...

lololol....
succinct.

Anna said...

hahaha!!!! What a message! I think he hears fine! It's selective listening that he suffers from (my husband has this same problem)!

ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇ said...

Awesome.

Lynda with a Y said...

Without sounding like your newest creepy stalker, I love your blog. You are hysterical. I find it challenging to impart my special sense of humor/sarcasm/snarkiness on a blog and you've got it spot on.

P.S. What's even worse is when they hear you, but they do something else instead (get the cookies because the were on sale.)

Sally said...

Lynda!

Welcome to Mais Fica and thank you so much for reading!

XOXO,
Sally :)