I'm going to tell you all about my Oprah Radio experience which was, um...kind of lame.
Last Friday, I told you all about how the lady from the radio show called and asked me if I'd like to be a part of the show about Geneen Roth's book, Women Food And God. She said I would be talking about what I wrote in my essay/review and she asked me for the phone number of where I'd be at 1:30 central time on April 5Th.
I was stoked because (A) this was Oprah, people! And (B) I really, really loved the book and could absolutely relate to it. So, of course I agreed to take part. Who wouldn't, right?
So, yesterday, the Oprah lady (not sure if it was the same one as on Friday)called me twenty minutes earlier than expected and said this:
1. We are recording this show as if it were live (but it's not). Please pretend that you called us and that we didn't call you.
Fine. For Oprah, I'll pretend. But, for my bloggy peeps, I'm telling the truth. They called me:
2. Please pretend that you are a random caller who read this book on your own.
Loved, loved, loved the book! But, I didn't buy it. They sent it to me:
3. You will be able to listen to the whole show. But, will only be allowed to ask one question when we tell you it's your turn. When that happens, GET RIGHT TO THE QUESTION. No talking about anything else. Just GET RIGHT TO THE QUESTION (something about inquiry).
Question? What question? You told me I was going to talk about my review of the book. Lame.
So, in a nutshell, the whole thing was very staged. AND? It took freakin FOREVER. They kept me on hold for 1 hour and 39 minutes, people! I got to listen in the whole time, but STILL! That's 1 hour and 39 minutes of my life that I'll never get back!
I have a confession. After about 45 minutes, I was like eff this and I thought about hanging up. But, I didn't because they were nice enough to send me the book for free. Instead, I took the phone with me while I:
A) Did some laundry.
B) Farted around on Facebook
C) Roasted a pork loin and some asparagus for today's dinner:
What I didn't do, that I really NEEDED to do while I was on hold was pee. I was on hold so friggin long that my eyeballs were turning YELLOW. Seriously! But, I was afraid that just as I was letting "the stream" flow, it would be my turn to ask THE question and Oprah would hear my toilet flushing. Lame.
So, in a nutshell...The Oprah Thing? Kind of a disappointment. But, that's okay. Because:
1. I got to listen to the whole show before anyone else does.
2. Geneen Roth is amazing.
3. I loved the book.
4. The book was free and who doesn't LOVE free stuff?
Oh, yeah. One more thing...
Before the show started, I got to listen to Oprah say, "I need my glasses! Where are my glasses?" Then, somebody yelled, "Somebody run across the street and get Ms. Winfrey's glasses!"
I thought it was cool that they didn't know I was listening...especially when Oprah was practicing what she was going to say to the audience of the radio show and said, "What if I told you that the way to lose weight was to stop dieting?!"
And I yelled into the phone (I knew she couldn't hear me), "I'd say SIGN ME UP MOTHERFUGGER!"
And then I laughed my ass off...all by myself...because I am lame.
Addendum: The radio show will air in a few weeks. When I find out the exact date, I'll post it here.