Monday, April 26, 2010

WANTED: A NEIGHBOR WHO DOESN'T SUCK

Remember my jerkhole neighbor, Bernie Madoff II? Click here if you need a refresher course on the level of his doucheness. I'll wait.

Okay. Well, Bernie Asshead Jerkhole Neighbor is a stock broker/financial advisor of some sort and he works for a VERY well known financial firm. Last week, I received a phone call (for the third time) from some financial dude that works at the same firm as he does. He told me that he could make me some money and he wanted to know if we could get together so he could give me his shpeal and explain how he could help me make the proper investments that would secure my financial future.

I listened to his crap for a minute and then I politely said, "Thank you for the call. But, I'm really not interested." Not willing to hang it up, he proceeded, "We have a great track record and I know you'll be impressed if you just give us a chance!"

This time I replied, "That's NEVER going to happen. I will never utilize your firm. EVER. But, thank you anyway."

"Wow! Can I ask you why you're so adamant about not giving us a chance? Have you had a bad experience with us?" he asked.

And that's when I let loose...

I said, "Listen. It's nothing personal. It's just that my neighbor, who is the biggest asshole I ever met, is a BIG CHEESE at your company. He has no social skills, acts like he hates everybody on the street, and is so effin dumb that he cuts his grass in the rain. There is no freakin way in hell that I am giving any of my hard earned money to a firm who employs a douchebag like him. I would just assume liquidate all of my assets and give all of my money to Al Qaeda."

*DEAFENING SILENCE*

Me: Hello?

Financial Dude: I'm still here. I don't know what else to say.

Me: How about GOOD BYE?

Financial Dude: Um. OK. Sorry to have bothered you. Good bye.


I have to tell you.

On one hand, I kind of felt bad for that guy.

But on the other hand?

I kind of felt like Bernie Asshead Madoff II put him up to soliciting the whole neighborhood (13 houses) just so he could steal our money and make us homeless. He's kind of a douche like that.

3 comments:

ARJules said...

Okay - I'm trying not to laugh. But you know, sometimes you just have to let loose! There's nothing else to it. But at least they won't call you again. Here's hoping!

Salina Lyn said...

Seriously love that you did that! I use to work for one of those big companies as one of those assheads and just couldn't take it anymore. Preying on people's fears and insecurities was just not working for me. And most of them out there are just as stupid as your dipshit neighbor.

Ms. PJ Geek said...

So Bitch cakes gave you a shout out and you now have a new follower. ME.

I relate. I was backstabbed , big time , by a coworker / ? friend. I had moved on to another job, when I received a call from a job recruiter who this former coworker / ?friend obviously had solicited. The call went exactly! I mean exactly like yours as it progressed.
Finally, when he wouldn't take no for the third time he asked " Could I ask you why you wouldn't want this great leadership, 6 figure position? My reply "This job would be working along..so and so ....right?"
recruiter: "UM, yes"
ME: "I could never work with her again. She is a snake. She burned her bridges. Please feel free to tell her so. Good bye. " Click.

Sigh..I hooted out loud and laughed.