Thursday, April 8, 2010

What's Next? Depends?

Dear CVS Pharmacy,

I'm mad at you.

Upon returning home from work yesterday, I found this stupid brochure and these lame-ass coupons in my mailbox:

WTF is wrong with you people?! And who the frig does your consumer research?!

FYI? I'm only forty AND I have all of my teeth.

You should know this because every freakin time I go to one of your stores, you ask me for my damn CVS card. You know...the one that I got by filling out my personal information on that application thingy, WHICH YOU THEN SCAN AND which tells you exactly WHAT THE FRIG I BUY every time I shop in your store.

And for the record? I have never bought DENTURE anything BECAUSE I HAVE ALL OF MY FUGGIN TEETH.


Now, do you want to be useful?

Do you want me to like you again? Fine.

Then send me coupons for good stuff like lipstick and hairspray. Hell, I'd even be happy with coupons for useful stuff like toilet paper and maxi pads!

But I swear, if anymore "old people" mailings come to my house, I'm going to go all bat shit crazy on your asses.

And don't EVEN try to be funny by swinging the pendulum in the other direction either! Because I swear, if any "douche" coupons come in my husband's name?

Actually, that would be pretty freakin funny...never mind.


Rob Dyess said...

Well, THAT IS HIGH COMEDY right there!!! I mean, I know... WTF??? They do data mining and then don't pay any attention to it.

Hey- Here is an idea!!! How about sending me some cupons for some DIET crap... maybe some granola bars or South Beach Diet bars---- SOMETHING!!!

Thanks! Always enjoy your posts!!

Debs said...

LOL. I know how you feel. I keep getting this old fart footwear catalog with all sorts of bunion wraps! WTF? How did I get on THAT list?

cmoursler said...

lol, my 41 year old husband got an arp thingie in the mail the other day...i laughed and laughed...he then reminded me that someday it would be my turn.

BippyMama said...

CVS= Come Visit Satan