Monday, May 10, 2010

From Puff Daddy To P-Diddy? OHHHH! Now I Get It!

Yesterday was Mother's Day.

And while I am not a mother (Oh, I've been called one!), Mother's Day is a day filled with familial obligations.

The day started off with Hubby and I scrambling to buy two Mother's Day cards--because even though I bought some two weeks ago, heck if I know where the frig I put them.

So, there I was, like a BAD, BAD, INGRATE OF A DAUGHTER---fighting off every other twerp who waited until the last minute to buy their Mama a lovey, dovey card.

Paint a big "L" on my forehead, why dontcha?

After foraging through the shitty card pile at my local pharmacy, Hubby and I picked up his parents and took them to lunch at a usually really nice Portuguese restaurant.

Note the USUALLY nice description, people.

For on this day?

That description went right out the window when we started eating and realized that the food sucked more that Monica Lewinsky.

Seriously, people. I think my husband's steak was actually HORSE. BLECHHHH....

After taking a shellacking at lunch, we dropped Hubby's parents off at home and went to visit my Mom (the 79 year-old Portuguese version of Sophia Petrillo who has ZERO MOUTH FILTER). She had gone out for lunch with my sister and was tres happy to see us.

We sat and visited for awhile when suddenly she said, "Oh! I almost forgot! I bought you a blouse last week when I was shopping with your sister! It's a large so I know it'll fit you...even though you're looking a little puffy from all of the eating out that you've been doing."

Thank.You.very.Much.Old.Woman.I.Will.Consider.This.
Statement.When.I.Am.Choosing.Your.Nursing.Home.

Upon leaving the Old Lady's house, Hubby and I went to visit my sister, Natty. Natty has three grown kids (two married, and one that's getting married) and a granddaughter who was born on my fortieth birthday (that I just want to squeeze).

Look at this kid. Her "evil baby" glance totally proves that we are related. No?


Funny story about my sister....

While we were visiting, she was telling me about her back pain and how she went to see a new doctor last week. Now, mind you...my sister and I have similar builds and we could definitely stand to lose twenty pounds or so....

Natty: So, I went to see Dr. So-And-So about my back.

Me: What did he say?

Natty: He looked at me disapprovingly and said, "LOSE THE WEIGHT! YOU'LL FEEL BETTER!"

Me: Really?

Natty: Yeah! Just like that! LOSE THE WEIGHT! Like I was a beast or something!

Me: Wow. What an a-hole.

Natty: I know! And the funny thing is? When I was walking out of his office, there was a woman waiting to see him and she was at least a three hundred pounder. I looked in her direction as I was leaving and thought to myself, if he thinks I'm fat? Then SISTER, YOU'RE SCREWED!

We're definitely sisters. Can't you tell? Hahaha.

After leaving my sister's house, Hubby and I went out for dinner---just the two of us---so we could decompress from a long day of family obligations.

While I was looking over the menu--trying to decide what to eat, Hubby settled on a salad, a gourmet cheeseburger with bacon and french fries, and a glass of red wine. He also told me that upon finishing his dinner, he would be having (and he did) some chocolate lava cake, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and a glass of milk.

And I couldn't help but think...

Good Lord!

AND I'M THE PUFFY ONE?

Seriously?!

4 comments:

Rob Dyess said...

Sounds like your Mom and my Mom should get together and go bowling!

Many thanks!!

'Drea said...

Your mom is too funny and your niece is very cute...

cmoursler said...

Ah, your mother, the master of the back handed compliment.

Debs said...

The evil eye baby is adorable!! You'll teach her much. I hope the blouse was at least pretty!