Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Serial Skank? And Some Barbecue Chicken Pizza!

Welcome to Weight Loss Recipe Wednesday, Peeps!

I have a yummy recipe for a low fat barbecue chicken pizza that will knock your freakin socks off! I swear! IT.IS.YUMMY!

But first, I'd like to share a quick story with you. It's kinda sorta my own version of a whodunit mystery.

Here's the deal...

Yesterday, after working a full ten hour day, I was packing up my car with all of my crap so I could head home and make my yummy pizza. As I was putting my briefcase in the trunk, I noticed something on the ground--right near my back passenger door:

I was standing over said mystery item, when my husband suddenly appeared at my side and said:

What's that?

Me: (bending slightly to get a better look) I think it's a pair of underwear.

Hubby: (bending slightly to get a better look) I think you're right!

Me: What the HELL? That's weird! They look kind of expensive.

How can you tell?

Me: Lots of intricate lace...You won't find that shit at Wal-Mart.

Hubby: Where do you think they came from?

Me: That's obvious. They came from a whore!

Hubby: A whore?

Me: Duh, yeah! I mean seriously, Paul. A "normal" woman doesn't just loose her underwear in the middle of the day.

Hubby: Maybe she pooped her pants!

Me: Nope. If a "normal" woman pooped her pants, she would've thrown them in the trash. These undies are just floating around the parking lot like they fell out of the back seat of a car when Whorey Von Whoreman rushed to get her clothes back on after bobbing he coworker's bologna pony. Yep. That's it. That's what happened.

Hubby: You really need to stop watching television.

Me: What? Why?

Hubby: Trust me. You just do.

(Apparently, all of this Tiger Woods/Jesse James/Rielle Hunter crap that I've been watching, has convinced my husband that I am "whore" obsessed. Whatev...)

AND NOW! THE TIME HAS COME for my slick segue from dirty underwear to barbecue chicken pizza!!!

Who's classier than me, People?

No one! That's who!

So, here it is, my friends! The yummiest low fat barbecue chicken pizza EVER! Trust me. YOU.WILL.LOVE.IT! So, get cooking!!

Barbecue Chicken Pizza

*2 tubes low fat crescent rolls
*1 cup barbecue sauce (I used Jack Daniels No. 7)
*3/4 lb. chicken breast tenders, cooked and shredded
*3 slices turkey bacon, cooked and crumbled
*1-1/2 cups low fat shredded cheddar cheese
*1/2 cup low fat ranch dressing
*1/2 tsp. chili powder
*1/4 cup chopped scallions


Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Roll the crescent rolls out on a pizza stone or cookie sheet (I use a stoneware bar pan). Pinch all seams together to create one large pizza crust. Place in the oven and bake for about 8-10 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove crust from oven and turn on the broiler. Spread the barbecue sauce over the dough. Spread the chicken, then the bacon, and finally the cheese over the top. Place pan under the broiler until the cheese melts (the cheese kind of puffs up), about 3-5 minutes.

In a bowl, combine the ranch dressing and the chili powder. Drizzle the dressing over the pizza with a spoon (or a Ziploc bag with the corner cut off). Top with scallions.

Makes 8 large squares. Serve with a salad. YUM!


cmoursler said...

good underwear, I think you are underestimating walmart though...In mine, they have some pretty nice underwear and bra sets.

that being said...why would someone ditch underwear in a parking lot.
I have lost a negligee in a hotel room once (on my wedding night) but that is about it.
I still wonder about that negligee...we looked EVERYWHERE.

Jenn said...

I LOL'd at "maybe she pooped her pants." So cute for giving the underwear owner the benefit of the doubt.

Too weird....on Monday, I ran across a tampon tube in the parking lot and the day before that I made BBQ Chicken Pizza!

michele said...

sweet jesus!

Debs said...

On her way to the laundromat? I know. Probably not.