Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Why Don't I Just Wear A Madonna Cone Bra?


Something fishy is going on around here.


I'm pretty sure there's a man behind it.

Yesterday, after work, I went shopping. I had a mall gift certificate and I wanted to buy some short sleeved shirts for summer.

As I was walking around in Macy's---just browsing, I WAS SUDDENLY ALMOST BLINDED when this mannequin's nipples threatened to poked my freakin eyes out:


A few minutes later, I rounded another corner in the store and BAM! More mannequin nipples to the face:

Seriously, dudes! What in the perverted frick is going on around here? Have I been living under a rock or something? I don't remember seeing this shit in department stores before? Do you?

And you know what kind of ticks me off? I just happen to have biggish boobs. AND? It is now air conditioning season here in Rhode Island (92 degrees today), which means that I usually spend my days trying to PLAY DOWN my hooters by keeping my nipples out of the direct paths of cool breezes, lest I have men drooling all over my friggin shoes like horny pigs. Oink, oink.

So, basically, what I want to know is WHAT douchecanoe at Macy's thinks that women, like me, are going to walk by their pervy mannequins and say, "OMG! That shirt is simply NIPPLETASTIC! I think I'll buy TEN! One in every color! Whoo hoo!"

Seriously, Macy's dudes.


Blog Addendum: After my stroll in Nippleville, I headed to the men's department to look at their mannequins. And you know what? I couldn't find ONE with an accentuated weiner. That's what I call BULLSHIT, my friends.


Wishing on a star said...

Love this post, LOL! I am wondering how many times I can use the word Nippletastic today...OK that's one.

TheUnlikelyTriathlete said...

You should check out the male mannequins at Dick's Sporting Goods. They are HOT.

Ms. PJ Geek said...

Thank you for the naughty mid day giggle.

Debs said...

Oh dear! Nippled mannequins? Some perv is going to take one home.

Happy Fun Pants said...

Ahem. Excuse me, but that *is* how I figure out what shirts to buy.

Actually, I think it's been an ongoing trend since "Friends." Prior to that show, nipples were covered up. However, apparently the multi-billion dollar production couldn't get their a/c all the girls sported nipples and apparently no bras.

Classy? Not so much. Especially when you consider that there are probably a ton of guys who are salivating just around the corner.


Anonymous said...

You had me at douchecanoe...LOL!

Anonymous said...

At least in the first picture there's some reality to it....the nipples aren't quite even!

mags said...

OMG - I'm laughing so hard right now. Too, Too Funny!


Cool Kitten said...

It's funny that you mention this. Today morning while driving to work, I heard about this fake nipples on the radio that I believe are now the new hot thing to have. Really?!!! Who are you kidding people?


Anonymous said...

Once again, I'm laughing out loud! I think the idea of the men's mannequins standing "at attention" would really do wonders for their ability to sell more product.
(Got my cookbook by the way. And THANK YOU again!!)

Kyle Gershman said... I the only one wondering why mannequins have nipples in the first place? Perhaps one commenter is right and now sporting your nips is all the fashion rage. Perhaps mannequins have usually been all nipple-less until now when the public demanded to know how that shirt would look all pointy and such.

Judging from the declining health of our country, perhaps the male mannequins should start sporting some man-boobs just to show how that golf shirt would really look.


T. Michelle said...

you are hilarious! thanks for making my work day go by faster...(still cracking up)