Thursday, May 20, 2010

You DRIVE Me Crazy!

I want to go on that new TV show, The Marriage Ref.

What, you ask, in my marital world full of rainbows and unicorns, could I possibly have to dispute with my Hubby?

I'll tell you WHAT. It's his effin driving. It makes me friggin CRAZY.

Case in point:

Recently, Hubs and I had to attend a work related trade show in Boston.

HE drove us there.

And the whole way?

I prayed for Jesus to spare me from a windshield to the forehead.

To prove my side of the story---BECAUSE I AM RIGHT AND HE IS WRONG---I will illustrate my HAIR RAISING experience pictorially.

Then, you be the judge.

Here is a picture of the Boston BUMPER TO FRIGGIN BUMPER traffic that was in front of us:

And here is a picture of the CRAZY MOFO traffic that was behind us:

Now, in these high traffic conditions, you would think that a CAUTIOUS driver (like me and every other NORMAL person) would keep both hands on the steering wheel at ALL times. Right?


Here is how my husband was driving:

And when he decided he needed a little more CONTROL of our vehicle, he utilized this little move:

You know...

Cuz in a fuggin traffic CRISIS, that middle finger of his is definitely going to save our asses!

Seriously, dude?!

Middle finger driving?

Where the hell did you learn that shit? Ham & Egg Driving School?

Finally, after having an hour long Hubby's driving induced panic attack in the car, I finally BLEW a cork when he kept getting too close to the car in front of us.

I yelled, "Paul! Get back, dammit! I'm going to have a friggin heart attack!"

And then I noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of us.

That's when I slapped Hubby's arm and said, "Seriously, dude! If we lived in Massachusetts, I would SOOOOO put that sticker on your car. It fits you like a friggin glove!"

And he just thought that was sooooo freakin funny.

Little bastard.


Rob Dyess said...

As my ole buddy Ross Perot would say----- That is HI-Larius!!!!


Pudge said...

I'm trying to stop crying here... I called the good wife over to read this and her comment was, MY GOD, THEY"RE JUST LIKE US. We have that same talk/discussion/argument whenever we city drive.

I did get her to admit that my way wins though! (I'm a sly fox:) I have had no accidents in my years of driving and she has had 6, including the one that nearly killed us both (Thank god for the tough built BMW!)

But really... I have to come down on his side here... heheheheh

Watching and Weighting said...

never mind his driving..pleeeeease tell me that isnt a Burberry shirt your hubs has on! In England he would be a 'scally'! x