I want to go on that new TV show, The Marriage Ref.
What, you ask, in my marital world full of rainbows and unicorns, could I possibly have to dispute with my Hubby?
I'll tell you WHAT. It's his effin driving. It makes me friggin CRAZY.
Case in point:
Recently, Hubs and I had to attend a work related trade show in Boston.
HE drove us there.
And the whole way?
I prayed for Jesus to spare me from a windshield to the forehead.
To prove my side of the story---BECAUSE I AM RIGHT AND HE IS WRONG---I will illustrate my HAIR RAISING experience pictorially.
Then, you be the judge.
Here is a picture of the Boston BUMPER TO FRIGGIN BUMPER traffic that was in front of us:
And here is a picture of the CRAZY MOFO traffic that was behind us:
Now, in these high traffic conditions, you would think that a CAUTIOUS driver (like me and every other NORMAL person) would keep both hands on the steering wheel at ALL times. Right?
Here is how my husband was driving:
And when he decided he needed a little more CONTROL of our vehicle, he utilized this little move:
Cuz in a fuggin traffic CRISIS, that middle finger of his is definitely going to save our asses!
Middle finger driving?
Where the hell did you learn that shit? Ham & Egg Driving School?
Finally, after having an hour long Hubby's driving induced panic attack in the car, I finally BLEW a cork when he kept getting too close to the car in front of us.
I yelled, "Paul! Get back, dammit! I'm going to have a friggin heart attack!"
And then I noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of us.
That's when I slapped Hubby's arm and said, "Seriously, dude! If we lived in Massachusetts, I would SOOOOO put that sticker on your car. It fits you like a friggin glove!"
And he just thought that was sooooo freakin funny.