Friday, June 25, 2010

I Have A Friend. He Is Evil.

I forgot to tell y'all that last week was my friend (and I use that term LOOSELY), Lou's birthday. For those of you who don't know him, he is a GIANT PAIN IN MY ASS. And this week, he is cruising for a major beatdown. Listen to what that rat bastard did...

On Wednesday after work, I went to have my hair colored. When I was done, I met Hubs for dinner at a small pizza joint near our house. When I walked into the restaurant and sat down, Hubs looked at me and said:

Hubs: Ha, ha. Very funny.

Me: What's very funny?

Hubs: THE PHONE CALL?!

Me: What phone call?

Hubs: THE PHONE CALL THAT SOMEONE MADE TO ME FROM YOUR CELL PHONE WHILE YOU WERE GETTING YOUR HAIR DONE!

Me: What are you talking about? Nobody called you from my cell phone. I had it with me the whole time!

Hubs: That's BULLSHIT! My phone rang at 6:00 and it was your phone number AND your picture that showed up on my caller ID. And when I answered it, it was some bimbo talking to me like a big slut!

Me: Really? What did she say?

Hubs: I DON'T KNOW! I HUNG UP ON HER AFTER THE HEAVY BREATHING STARTED!

Me: (totally perplexed) Dude, that's friggin weird! I SWEAR! Nobody called you from my cell phone. No joke.


ALL OF A FRIGGIN SUDDEN, HUBBY'S CELL PHONE, WHICH WAS ON TOP OF THE TABLE, STARTED RINGING!

I looked down at it and, DUDES! It was my face AND my cell phone number that registered as the person who was calling him!

I grabbed the phone, answered it and heard a voice recording of some skank saying shit like, "Hi. It's me. Do you want to know how much I charge for a SESSION?"

Holy friggin crap! So, I hung up because I didn't know if it was a scam where freaky people were calling us from some crazy place like Guacamolia and if we answered the call and listened to their entire whorish shpeal, our phone would get charged $497.00 a minute or some shit (Yeah. Maybe I watch too much Dateline.)!

I looked at Hubby. He looked at me. WE WERE FREAKED OUT.

So, when I got home, I posted this as my status on Facebook (in hopes that somebody had a clue about what happened to us):

Sally Araujo Costa : Ok. So, Hubby and I were having dinner, when his cell phone rang. He looked at it and said, "Sal, it says you're calling me from your cell phone." But, I wasn't, cuz I was stuffing my face. So, I answered it and it was a recording of some chick talking all whore-ish. WTF?

And?

I got this response from Kay, one of my AWESOME blog readers (WHAZZ UP, KAY?!):

Kay: Lou must be behind this...some how, some way!

Hmmm....

So, the next day, I called LOU (AKA...RAT BASTARD) and I told him what happened.

And HE LAUGHED SO HARD HE NEARLY PEED HIS PANTS.

I said, "You son-of-a-bitch! I didn't think you were behind it UNTIL one of my blog readers planted the seed in my head! YOU ARE EVIL!"

Finally, he confessed some bullshit about an IPhone app that lets you make phone calls, while changing the caller ID number that appears to be calling to whatever phone number you want to show up on the screen.

He is Satan.

So, that's that, people. Mystery solved.

Oh, wait.

Before I go, I've got to tell you one more thing.

Remember how I told you that Lou's birthday was last week? Yeah, well...Hubby and I took him out to dinner last Saturday to celebrate.

And?

We had dinner in Providence, RI.

And?

It just happened to be gay pride weekend there.

And?

Well...Let's just say that Lou had A LOT of fun. See?



And while I'm at it, have you seen these?






Hey, Lou? Um...It's none of my friggin business or anything. But...

YOU GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?

Hehehehe...

Payback.

It's a bitch.

6 comments:

RescuingLisa said...

Oh my gawd this is so hilarious.

I love reading your blog - it ALWAYS cracks me up!

Kimberley said...

I knew it was Lou. I am a freakin' genius!!!

Happy Belated Birthday to Lou. Give him a big fat kiss from me!!!

Amanda said...

The world would be a much more dull place with no Lou... or no Sally!

Heh... you made my Friday :D

Kyle Gershman said...

Ok...do you have any contacts in the police force that can do you a solid?

I would let them drop by Lou (or give a phone call) to inquire about his attempts at Identity Theft.

I'm sure he'll laugh than one up for awhile too...after the EMTs restart his friggin heart.

Anonymous said...

No man that hairy could be gay...they don't allow it.

Hanlie said...

LOL! I actually do know a very hairy gay man...

That application actually alarms me. You can get up to a lot of serious mischief, if not crime, that way.