Yesterday, these guys?
They rang my doorbell at 8:55am on a FRIGGIN SUNDAY MORNING to feed me a line of shit about how Jesus is going to come again (Did he go somewhere?) on a white horse with wings, carrying a sword, which he will use to "off" all of those people who are nonbelievers.
Then, they tried to give me some pamphlets so I could read all about it and potentially save myself from eternal damnation.
I stood there...completely still for a couple of seconds.
I was contemplating.
Then, I, in all of my morning splendor (AKA...bad attitude, bathrobe, Ugg camouflage slippers, and ZERO make-up) said, "So, what you're saying is, if I don't believe what you're telling me, Jesus is going to show up at my door with a sharp weapon and go ALL ZORRO on my ass?"
The younger guy looked nervous. The older guy quickly responded, "Ma'am, that's not exactly what we're saying. What we mean is..."
And that's when Morning Sally (FYI--Morning Sally is a BE-OTCH!) became unhinged. Seriously.
I FLIPPED out and said, "Gentlemen, I don't give a crap WHAT you mean. I already have a religion AND it is not up for debate. I may not have a white horse OR a sword, but I DO have a Lexus and a Super Soaker and I'm not afraid to use them. Please don't EVER come to my home again!" *SLAM*
(Effin whackjobs! How do they always find ME?!)
Believe what you want, people.
But, I'm not buying this shit for one friggin minute.
Jesus is hip.
And I'm pretty sure he knows that if he wants to get this generation's attention, he'd have to ride into town on/in something cooler than a friggin farm animal....I'm thinking a pimped out metallic white Bentley with some bad ass 26" chrome spinners.