Friday, June 18, 2010

Peter Pan Had The Right Idea. Too Bad He's Dead.

Remember last year, when I was totally pissed off about turning forty and all kinds of people were trying to appease me by saying stupid shit that only made me want to stab said random people in the neck? Click here if you need a refresher.

Yeah, well get this shit.

Yesterday, I'm spread eagle on the exam table at my gynecologist's office and the doctor is performing my annual
hoo-ha exam (A.K.A. vajayjay/coochie/pippee area).

Just when I think he's all done PROBING, he says to me in his Oprah Winfrey You Get A Car Voice, "And because you're FORTY, YOU GET A RECTAL!"

In response, I rolled my eyes, gave him two thumbs up, and said, "YAY ME!"

BOO for getting older, people.

And you know what else?

Last year, I was thirty-nine.

That meant, no ass probe.

This year?

I'm forty.

That means from now on, when I go to the Gynee---it's equal opportunity for the vajayjay AND the bumhole. Hoo-Friggin-Ray!

But at least I can say that I'm right...AGAIN.

Because all of that crap about forty being the new thirty? Total fuggin bullshit, people.

In Sally's world, it's more like FORTY IS THE NEW THIRTY...WITH TWO FINGERS UP YOUR ASS.



TheUnlikelyTriathlete said...

Oh shit...agh, no pun intended!

I mean-- you know---


That's depressing.

Debs said...

I have an appointment coming. Crap!

ARJules said...

Wait wait wait wait.... they ...

Now 40 is going to freak me out more than I think. I'm never goign to the gyn again.

What do you mean I have to?? Damnit. You're right.

Where's a gas oven?

Sally said...

"Where's a gas oven?" BAHAHAHA!

ARJules, that is funny shit (no pun intended)!

Midori Mighty Warrior said...

LOL! You slay me, kid. I'm 49 and I have to share that so far being in my 40's has been the best; 30's sucked, 20's I was taking myself too seriously, and then prior to that--well really, I don't remember - HA! Okay I do, but it wasn't all that much. So I'm wondering what'll happen @ the gynie's office when I turn 50?

Kyle Gershman said...

Ah yes...that reminds me of my physical I had on Tuesday...while not the first time, the doc warned me of the impeding insertion again...I simply said "sure, whatever...might as well get my money's worth."

42 is around the corner for this man.

Hanlie said...

So far I've avoided that one! Technically I was still 39 at my previous exam (by four days). That just doesn't sound appealing at all!