Wednesday, July 21, 2010

It's All Fun And Games...Until I Look Like Olive Oyl (With Big Boobs)

I'm baaaaack!

You know what that means!

Yesterday, I DID NOT end up on the nightly news, maim anyone, or get arrested after my WW weigh-in. No sirree, Bob.

In fact, I lost three pounds...which isn't epic. But, it was just enough poundage to keep me from going all "Ballistic Portuguese Ninja" on everyone in the WW meeting room. Lucky b*tches.

So, yesterday, while I was sitting in my WW meeting, I was flipping through the latest issue of a weight loss magazine and something caught my eye that really pissed me off.

It's something I've seen a MILLION times before.

Heck! It's something you've seen A MILLION times before.

But, yesterday? It just really rubbed me the wrong way.

Let me splain...

You know how when you're reading an inspiring weight loss story, you see the before and after pictures of a person who has lost a crap load (a technical term) of weight? And in the AFTER picture, said person looks so happy and accomplished? And then, in itty bitty print, right next to that AFTER picture, you see this message: *Results Not Typical

Yeah, well that really gets my goat (OK. Really. What person under the age of 80 still says this?)!

I mean...Talk about sending people---who are struggling with their weight---a SHITTY message.

It's like they're saying: YES! You can lose weight if you eat healthy! And, YES! You can lose weight if you exercise! And, YES! You can keep the weight off...for awhile! But, because THESE EFFIN RESULTS ARE NOT TYPICAL, no matter what you do, how hard you do it, or how long you do it for, you're fighting an uphill battle and YOU ARE DESTINED TO BE A FAT ASS FOREVER.

Clearly, these freakin negative bastards have never heard about power in numbers (We support each other, Dudes!), the power of positive thinking, or the power of intention.

But, we'll show them! Those douchebiscuits...

***The spellcheck feature on my blog just told me that I spelled douchebiscuits wrong. WTF? I just made it up! Apparently, the SpellCheckers don't know who the Hell they're fuggin with.***


Post-it Notes said...

Hilarious!! I agree with the *results not typical* crap... who wants to see that. Its basically telling you to give up right now. But 3 pounds!! That's AWESOME!!!! Loved this post, it was too funny!

Allan said...

Douche Biscuits would spell check correctly as two words. The combine form, defined as a sweet vinegar like cookie, is available from Medifast on special also..

Ms. PJ Geek said...

Hee hee hee! Amen sista
You owned that WW scale.

Hanlie said...

Douchebiscuit looks fine to me! In fact, I love it! Now if I can only remember it...

Kyle Gershman said...

An excellent observation...of course...we seem to always write in our own disclaimers "I lost 2 pounds this week, but probably because I was sick" or "I gained 3 pounds, but it was all at one sitting at the Chinese buffet so it won't stick". Well, perhaps excuses more than disclaimers.

Anyway...I concur with your point...tell it like it is sista!